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Even after 9 years, his ex won't let go!

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

Does Divorce mean divorce if there are children?

hi, i have been with my partner for 4 years, i have never been married before but he has a 19 and 15 year old. His ex-wife still hasn't let him go fully and causes rows over nothing. She gets me so worked up, to a level I Have never experienced in my life before. Her mother has just died and although I know my partner wants to see his children to comfort them, I don't want him to go to her house because she has caused us both a lot of hurt and pain.

I don't want to be selfish, I just want him to consider my feelings. Neighbours kept asking him how his mother-in-law was, which annoyed me because they have been divorced for 9 years. Due to us being catholic, they are still married in the eyes of the church.

Is this what other people see as well and am I just wasting my time in a no win situation?

View related questions: divorce, ex-wife, his ex, neighbour

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A female reader, Ana +, writes (19 September 2005):

I divorced my husband about a month ago, he call me and the kids everyday, they don't want to be bothered with him, they are 20 and 18 and he has never been there for them, he tells them he loves them and will change and come back one day, he calls me everyday, sends me love letters tellling me how sorry he is and that he will change and come back one day. I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt him but I tell him to give us some room and that if he changes and becomes stronger and different maybe one day I take him back but not now, but he won't let go, he makes us feel sorry for him but we have to go on,we were married 25 years but it has to end, he gave me no choice.

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A reader, Natalie, writes (19 February 2005):

Looking at this as an outsider, I am considering the fact that he has never cheated on you, or, has any need to still go out and be really good friends with her? The closeness between a parent and child is like no other and it is possible that he feels guilty for "leaving" his children. I really do not think you have anything to worry about but you do have to accept and appreciate the fact that they were married for a long time and have children together. Kids are going to mean a link between them for the rest of their life and if you want to stay with him, this is something you will have to understand. One thing is for sure, do not bottle up your feelings, talk to him, if only for reassurance. Good luck.

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