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Engaged but, he doesn't work, smokes weed all the time, plays video games and I'm tired, any suggestions?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

i dont know what to do thats y im asking for help. i been with my boyfriend/fiancee for 2 yrs, the reason y i put the slash fiancee is cause im engaged to him but i feel like our relationship is going no where, im 24 he is 25 he has a daughter from a previous relationship and i have twin boys from a previous one also, he already did the whole move out thing with his baby momma and it didnt go well for them so they broke up and they lost the apartment so he moved back home with his mom, and me i havent gone no where but those are my plans in the next year or so but i feel like he doesnt want to, he tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and all that and wants to live with me and all but i dont see like he doing anything for it to happen since ive been with him he has never had a job ive been supporting him since day one basically all he wants to do is sleep all day and smoke weed and hang out with his friends, his excuse before was oh i dont have my daughter with me so im not motivated to work, he just got his daughter like 2 months ago ad still he doing nothing, he got now a ps3(playstation 3) and all he do is play that game all night he be up till like 6am playing that game and goes to sleep till like 3 or 4 in the afternoon and he got a daughter to take care of,even when i go to see him or whatever all he do is smoke weed and play that game and chill with his bum ass friends and leave me in the house and im tired of it, but he doesnt want to lose me and i feel like im wasteing my time with him so i dont know what to do, he says he doesnt want to rush things cause he doesnt want to make the same mistake twice meaning he doesnt want to move out again and when things gets rough move back home to his mommas house so y would u give me a ring then? if u dont want to rush things we shoulda stayed boyfriend and girlfriend then not give me a ring and say all these things and nothing is happening, so what should i do should i stay or go?

View related questions: broke up, engaged, fiance, his ex, smokes, video games

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009):

Yeah give him the boot! it sounds like he's just gonna cause more harm than good to your kids and they don't need an unhappy mom, and if he shows up on your doorstep a MAN: with a job and drugfree (he obviously can't handle his weed) then think about marriage, but right now he's only doing what he can do to you....

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntDump him and sell the ring and PS3 to buy something nice for the kids!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009):

You should go, or at least present him with an ultimatum. Not because I'm against weed. I'm no narc. I think, used in moderation, people can lead good lives despite using a drug like that.

But he smokes in excess. He doesn't sound like a wonderful father at all, and do you really want to subject your children to his neglect?

I have friends that are probably at this minute smoking and playing video games back in the STL (im in VA) but they still hold down jobs and girlfriends, and lead productive lives as well. That is the distinction you need to look for here.

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