A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I’ve started to see this boy, its been about a month. He’s a kind-hearted, sweet and generous person. One of the best I’ve met on the gay scene, undoubtedly. He’s very close with his friends and they mean a lot to him and he spends a lot of time with them. He also works as a doctor which means quite demanding hours. He’s willing to see me on weekdays but usually at that point he’s knackered. Although, he’s a hardcore person generally, I would like to have him when he’s fully energised. And not after work and then have to get up at 6:30 the next morning, every weekday morning. On weekends, he always wants me to meet his friends, I’ve tried to explain to him I’d like to get to know him first. But he wants everyone to meet me. This is uncomfortable because I don’t feel he has taken then time to get to know me first. He tries to make it up to me by paying for my food, cinema tickets cos I don’t have a proper job, but I just feel bad. Now he’s made plans for the next three weekends with friends out of London. I explained to him, that although we’re not committed to each other, it’s too much time away. He invited me along and I said to him I’m not ready for the “meet all my friends thing”, he doesn't seem to understand as someone who is not out. Its hard to suddenly be seeing someone, before many of my own close friends even know. And although I think he’s wonderful I find myself in gay clubs wanting to pick up other boys just for physical proximity. I also sometimes think about other guys, and this is terrible, but get so tempted by other boys. Although, I haven’t yet done naughty anything, I can’t say I won’t. I don’t know what to do. I kind of want to say let’s take a break for a few weeks while he’s away, and this will give me time to date other boys and see how I really feel. On the other hand, I’m worried he’ll think I’m being wishy-washy and hate me for it. Moreover, that he’ll become jealous and this will put the death knell in both friendship and relationship. I also don’t want to lose his friendship, the guy has little time as it is and why would he make time for someone who dumped him. He’s a very fast-moving person, and I can’t say I recovered from meeting all his friends on the second date as his boyfriend (without really being consulted). Then he told me he was falling for me and his friends are constantly telling me what an amazing guy he is and how much he’s into me, almost to the point that its off-putting.
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female
reader, Mels  +, writes (3 February 2009):
You sound like you are not into him at all. All you say is how you are not ready, you want to see other ppl and you feel uncomfortable.
Do yourself and him a favour and break it off, you will end up cheating and breaking his heart and this would definitely lose you his friendship.
It sounds like you like him and love the dinners, and movies and all but if you really liked him as you say you do, you wouldn't have an issue meeting his mates.
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