A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneI need helpI love my BF and I know he loves me. We will be together for about a year now. I am a living in nanny and he lives with his father. I would like to move in with him and start our lifes together for real as soon as possible (maybe by next year or so). We do want to get married and buy a house. I tried talking to him about this couple of days ago, and he got mad with me. He told me he is not ready to leave his father due to him (his father) beeing lonely ( he has been lonely 10 years now since he got divorced his mom) I told him this and he said "No, he has not been lonely all those years, cause he had me!!!" I completely understand the fact, that he loves his father and wants to be close to him, but we would move pretty much next door and his father would be welcome all the time and he can go to see him as well so I dont really see the problem.Can anyone help me out here please?? I dont know what to tell him. I told him,that I am giving him as much time as he need, but Im just hoping its not goint to be another "10 years" because his father feels lonely!Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey got divorced because his mother cheated on his father for years. He still loves her (dad), but my BF hates her for what she has done to him and his father.
I will def give it a time ... I know he loves me and wants to move out (we are saving to buy a house together), but he just needs to make sure, his father will be prepared for the "big day".
Thanks to all
A
female
reader, PreciousNY +, writes (22 May 2008):
I think that for right now you should respect his decision to stay at home with his dad. You've only been dating for a year so why the rush? It is a sticky situation, but if you push him into leaving his father to move in with you, he will end up resenting you for it. I would give it atleast another year and see what happens. Does his father know that his son is putting his life on hold because of him? You should watch out though, because when you get married you need to be his #1 priority, not his dad. Could he be using his dad as an excuse not to move in together?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Well I'm guessing since you're between 26-29 the guy is around the same age or older? Okay, he is pretty much a "mama's boy" but with his dad. First off, he's obviously not ready to put you first. When you want to be with someone and want to marry them one day, that other person comes first. He had to be able to balance his #1 (you) and his father. Second, would his father really be happy to know that his son is not living his own life due to him? Parents want their children to grow up and have their own families--not be tied to them the rest of their lives. I say you give the relationship a "break" or whatever you want to call it and let him think about it. Don't call him and don't bug him about it. He'll more than likely come back around, but if you're going to have to compromise, then so does he.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Well, it is selfish on his fathers part to have his son put his life on hold just to comfort him; this isn't the scheme of things that once your children are adults the favor of pampering is reversed.
Not knowing his father, there is little I can offer. Either his son (your mate) needs to talk with his dad and basically tell him (the dad) to snap out of it, or someone else needs to intervene and tell him (excluding you of course).
If his dad has been suffering for 10 years, that is just way to long to be depressed about the breakup. What does his mom have to say about dad? Who's fault of the breakup was it?
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