A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just got out of an intense relationship that lasted off and on for almost two years. The man I was dating and later engaged to was ten years older than me and was sometimes verbally abusive. At the end of our relationship I found out he had a felony charge for domestic assault with a previous girlfriend and a past domestic assault charge from when he was 19. Now I am completely freaked out about men (and for good reasons). I moved out of the apartment we shared and am now trying to start a new life. I am going to court mandated therapy for domestic abuse and dealing with self-esteem issues I have. I recently started seeing a new guy. I like him (he's may age) but I don't really know how to trust or be optimistic about starting a new relationship and don't want to get into my past relationship's problems with him. I want to have a light, "rebound" relationship but am afraid that he is too inexperienced for where I was 2 months ago. Also, I am missing my ex-fiance and having nightmares missing him. How should I handle the scenario?
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female
reader, holliegeorgie.x  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I admire your braveness to try and start again and leave the man. If he didn't treat you right he couldn't be worth it, always look at in that perspective. Remember he hurt you and you're a strong women. There isnt much you can do when you miss somebody but eventully it will pass and you'll be able to move on.
For now I don't think you should look into getting serious with another guy. He could be lovely but it doesn't see your quite ready yet. Maybe start going on a few dates and see how you get on. Getting to serious with somebody means you will have to share plenty with them. When the times right you'll find somebody and feel easy opening up to them.
Don't let him knock you down, just think of it that your a beautiful women with a whole life ahead of them. Good luck, you deserve all the best.
A
male
reader, azazil91  +, writes (31 August 2010):
hi,
I believe he has been abusive, why still stay with him. congratulations. no matter how much it hurts it is still the right decision. this new guy, well give him a chance. love is something we cant calculate. it happens when it happens. trusting is an issue, but at the end of the day, not all guys are bad. the guy u just met maybe IT. About sleeping and all that, I believe you have to be strong and push all the bad stuff out of you mind. i dont believe in drugs and all but sooner or later you will regain you composure.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Well be proud of yourself for getting out of an abusive relationship and getting help, you see so many girls who are scared to leave fearing for their lives, or health. It's hard not to judge guys based off your past..you've had an abusive relationship so just be more observant next time and look for the warning signs. If it starts to feel like deja vu then you know you must get out of there. As for this new guy, he may be inexperienced but he's just a "rebound" or maybe even a fling so I would look past that for now..as bad as it sounds you're just using him for the time being. You're missing your ex because it just ended and you're still stunned that all that transpired. It did, he torn you down each day, words hurt just as much as being hit. Just be strong and move forward, no looking back. Ask your therapist about the nightmares, it's probably because you're still afraid..and see if she will prescribe you some sleeping pills for a better night's sleep.
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A
female
reader, lil-kitten-02 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I know what you are going through. Missing him, having those nightmares that seem so real, and sacred to press forward from what happened in the past. Girl, work you way through! This is not some that you get over overnight. If you got a new guy in your life, please take it slow. Open up without telling all your business. You will find that he may care. I know you are hurting, for I was you once before. Just take my advice and not go back to the past. Take it as a lesson learned. You could be missing out on Mr. Right worrying over mr. foolish wrong. Congrats on moving out! You made a serious moment just by doing that for yourself.
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