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male
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*oe_01
writes: My g/f of 2yrs has become very withdrawn from our relationship. She never looks happy, never smiles, she looks depressed and never wants to do anything together. This has been happening over the last couple of weeks. I ask her what's wrong and she says nothing is wrong but I can tell there is. I know she has had some depression issues in the past and recently over the past couple of months we have had a lot of bad arguments about stupid things. She does not talk to me or spend time with me like she use to and sex has become almost nothing and she often hides her body from me, closing the door when she is getting changed or covering up when having a shower. I dont know what's wrong. Ladies, can you help me out? Why would she suddenly become so sad and withdrawn?
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male
reader, joe_01 +, writes (24 February 2006):
joe_01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have spoken to her and i told her that she can talk to me, but she said she didnt want to talk about her depression with me because of things i have said to her in the past , she says i dont understand. i asked why she had not eaten and she said that she does not feel like eatting because she just isnt hungary. i asked if she had been sick and she said that she is has not been making herself be sick, i asked her about the nite she run out half way through sex and she said that she felt ugly and worried out how i think she looks naked, she said that she feels ugly.but she said she didnt want to talk with me at all about it or anyone else. in the past she told me she was talking to a councilor aout her depression and i found out some of the conversations where about me i got mad an told her to stop talkng to them, but i wish she didnt because she was so happy then and was making so much improvments in her life, now she is worse then ever. i dont know what to do.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 She has an eating disorder and for this she needs proffessional help, in order for you to understand her and to aid in your supporting her you need to learn everything you can about this condition, go on the web and learn as much as possible, there are some good sights that are done by anorexic`s and they give an inside view into what it is like to have this eating disorder.
She may have had to go to the bathroom in order to be sick, you cannot stop her doing this as she really needs to, she has a need to remove the food from her body and only then will she be able to sleep.
Watching what she eats will not help,what will help is learning all you can about it and supporting her in this way, she has beaten this before and will hopefully again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Encourage her to see somebody for the depression. Anorexia is rooted in a need for control, and someone who really needs control is probably worried about appearing weak. Admitting to being depressed would be very, very hard - it'd involve acknowledging all of her worst fears.Fortunately, you love her, and you can help her. Be there for her unconditionally and don't expect too much from her right now; relationships are give and take, anyway, and it sounds like, right now, she isn't in a good position to do a lot of giving.Offer to go with her if she'd like. Mention it not as something she has to accept, but just as something she might like to talk about. Medicine is an option. With the winter, sometimes people get depressed due to lack of light; for them, sometimes even just getting special light bulbs makes a difference. Tell her you love her and it tears you apart to see her suffering. Tell her you know she's said nothing is wrong, but you can see that all is not well with her. Tell her you're concerned and you'd do anything to help bring back her happiness. Then ask her to go and see a dr.
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A
male
reader, joe_01 +, writes (21 February 2006):
joe_01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice so far, she has had some health problems in the past she told me she was anorexic when she was about 16 she has now just turned 20, i have noticed she eats very little over the past couple of weeks and her time spent at the gym has increased. I managed to make her smile last night and we ended up having sex which was great but then half way through she said she had to stop and she ran off to the bathroom, i tried to persuade her into trying again but she just ignored me and rolled over and went to sleep. I must admit in the past i have said some bad things to her in regards to her having depression which may make it diffcult for her to talk to me, i know that no one in her family knows she is depressed and in the past i know she has spoken to a councilor but we had a fight and i said somethings and she said sometings and now she is not talking to a councilor anymore.
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A
male
reader, Andy J +, writes (21 February 2006):
 Maybe a good idea is to speak to her parents about it! U say she's had signs of depression in the past so maybe speaking to her GP?I went like this with my fiance of 2 and a half years for about 1 month, and she eneded up splitting up with me (+ i fibbed to her) but thats not the point. You cant go on forever being like that, so get the atsmophere right, sit her down. Maybe try making the table, cooking a really nice meal, candles, run her a bath, put candles around the bath, by a bottle of champagne, another good one i used was buy 2 packs of rose petels and sprinkle them from her bedroom door to her bed and put a few on her bed. Then see how that goes if shes not interested in all that then mate you just gotta sit her down and talk to her.But make sure your sympothetic, u remind her how much u love/care for her, and when the times right how beautiful she is.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (21 February 2006):
Does she have any health problems, is she seeing her GP?
You say she has problems with depression, maybe she is depressed and needs to see her GP, most times when someone is very depressed they are the last to see it, others around them know but they dont, so go easy on her and talk to her, tell her you have seen a change in her behaviour and are worried.
Is she going through the menopause, if so this may be adding to her problems.
In order to get to the bottom of this you need to try sitting her down and in a calm supportive manner reminding her you love and care about her and ask her what is wrong, telling her what you see in her.
Are you able to talk to any of her family, maybe they have noticed a change in her.
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