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Don't have feelings for my boyfriend any more. Should I dump him or not?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 August 2005) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2008)
A United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

I liked this boy. He was really nice and I fanced him about 7 out of 10. He ased me out once and I said no. After that I flirted with him, and his friend told me that he was going to ask me out again, and I had to say yes. I felt guilty because this time I had actually flirted with him, so I said yes.

It's been 3-4 months now and it has been fun but I don't like him that much anymore because he kisses me 24/7 when we are together and its nice, but sometimes I just want to talk. Also he is taking me away from my friends so I don't really see them when we are together and also I think that he wants to have sex with me coz he keeps asking. I'm not ready.

My friends say I should talk to him but even if I did I still don't have feelings for him anymore. Should I dump him or not?



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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008):

Hi. I think you should break up with him. If you love him then no but if you really truly don't like him anymore then yes break up with him. If you are ready and you are over 16 and you love him, then have sex only if you a really in love with him. If you are not then say no. There is not reason why you shouldn't break up with him. Good luck. And remeber sex is a wonderful but risking thing. If you are ready to be at the risk of being a mommy then yes. I have not had sex but I don't want a child right now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2005):

You are both young and you will date many more people in the future. This is what dating is all about...learning about other people..and finding out who we want & what we want out of love relationships, in the future. You both need to live life, have fun, explore new dating situations. If you are no longer interested...yes..break up with him. Breaking up is not easy but it can be done cleanly and with compassion. You both had feelings for each other at one point, and maybe he still does for you. So respect that and do this breaking up, maturely, without deliberate pain, so that you can both move on with your lives and find someone better suited for you. A relationship really needs two fully committed people, so if one of you doesn't want to be in the relationship any more, it's best for BOTH of you to end it. That's the key message to get across.

Don't get into lots of blame-finding and don't accept blamefinding from him. He may get a bit "sour"..handle that with strength & hold your ground. Remind him, that there is always fault on both sides in a relationship that fails, because it take two to make it work. Make sure you sit down face to face somewhere quiet. Never break up over the phone or via email, that's completely unfair. A relationship is based on trust and dependability-don't prove you're unworthy of that in the final hour. Sit down and explain it's not going to work. If your bf has questions, answer them as fairly as you can, but without going into lots of back-stabbing. Breaking up isn't about finding fault. It's about you both being able to find "closure" to this relationship so you are able to then move on to a new one. Good luck and one thing-you sound like a smart girl..not allowing any guy to pressure you into sex when you are not ready, is a good way to be, girl. It shows you respect who you are and that you value yourself. Right on.

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A female reader, sophie101 +, writes (9 August 2005):

i think you could do with sitting down and talking. tell him that you arn't ready for sex and you dont like him asking all the time and tell him theres more to a relationship than kissing and sex. if you dont have feelings for him any more then tell him that and give it time and see if you can turn things around. but your the only one that truely knows the right answer as to if you should dump him or not? i say talk things through and see if it makes a difference. if he doesnt change at all then maybe you should ask yourself if he deserved you in the first place? make the decision YOU think is right? good luck !!

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A female reader, auntiebunny +, writes (9 August 2005):

auntiebunny agony auntThis boy obviously really likes you, and as you can't return these feelings I think it would be cruel to keep it going any longer. Even if you were ready to have sex, you shouldn't sleep with anyone you have luke-warm feelings for anyway, it's not fair on either of you.If he's as nice as you say then he should be understanding if you say you'd just like to be friends, even though he'll be upset. Good luck x x x

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