A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known my boyfriend for 4 years, we were in a close group of friends, but only started our relationship a few months ago. I found out that he has been visiting his ex's blog very frequently even though she does not update regularly. I wasn't snooping, just happened to see that when we were surfing together on his comp, and he clicked on web-history. Problem is, I'm very uncomfortable with his ex. They were together for some time, broke up, but the girl asked to reconcile many times. He agreed, but initiated breaking up a short while later as he felt that she did not make him feel important. Less than a month afterwards, I initiated a relationship with him. My question is, is this something to worry about, does this mean that he still has feelings for her?Also, this is making me doubt that he feels very deeply for me because I was the one who initiated the relationship. In addition to this, I think that our relationship might be fueled by lust, we've been together for just one and a half months and have progressed to heavy petting. Sorry if it's too long, or too much infomation. Please help me solve my worries thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thank you so much. Your reply has helped me sort out some stuff in my head, I really appreciate that.More answers are welcome please (:
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I agree with Laura..it does sound like he is, indeed, going through a mourning process. This is the reason, why I stress a healing/recovery time after relationships end for everyone. This is the cause, of doubts about an ex gf's/ex bf'sand this is a common fear amongst men/women getting into new relationships. And jumping into new relationships is unfair and causes uncertainties in the new partner.
You need to choose if you can withstand this until he's through this grieving period or if you can be strong and carry on, in this relationship. We don't know if he will eventually get over her. It's a risk and time will tell. You both have not been dating long. So, you need to either put these self doubts to rest (or you run the chance of sabotaging this relationship), or just move on and tell him to call you when he's recovered from his ex gf. My guess is, he enjoys you for you or you two wouldn't be together. Just don't expect him to be "in love" with you after being together for a short time. Because that's simply unrealistic and a a huge fantasy, on your part.
Now remember, all relationships we 'choose ' to become involved in are big risks to our heart..but they can be positive, wonderful experiences if you just focus on bringing the "best of yourself" into this relationship. As this relationship is just starting out, it has to grow and be nutured over time-love and meaningfulness on a person part who's grieving, does not happen immediately. This is something so many young males/females forget. Give this relationship time to develop, to take off-to "really" learn about each other. Forget that inner critic in yourself, forget the anxieties, the uncertainties. Just have fun, a great time, be positive, be happy and just enjoy the wonderful moments spent with this guy. How this relationship will pan out will depend on what you think about yourself. Love and appreciate you for who you are, not just for the impressions you give to him. And don't compare yourself to her. You and his ex gf are two complete different individuals and he knows that!
He will love again, sweety but when he's ready. So, just relax and enjoy this new relationship with him, stay confident, stay happy and take it one day at a time. I wish you all the happiness and remember, be positive, have fun and just just keep being true to yourself. Your confidence, your happy demeanor is what he'll come to love about you. Enjoy him but don't rush this...let it grow!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 He could be in mourning over the loss.It could just be a phase or a fad and he may get over it.
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