A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Beginning of this year I got out of a relationship with my now ex-fiance. We lived together for 6 months after we broke up because he had a shattered wrist that required surgery and wasn't able to go back to work till it healed. Once he was better he moved out into his own place and we still talked. I no longer have any feelings for him in the form of a relationship, sexual, or anything of the sorts. Not long after he moved out I was finally able to get in touch with my friends again, they all disliked my ex, but this is due to rumors hat was spread when we all went to Highschool together before I dated him. We were having a girls night out in the city and going to go to a dance club, somehow my friends brother-like-friend was invited. None of us girls knew the city well and he went to college there for some years and was better at navigating than me and used to work as a bouncer in clubs so I wasn't too mad. Well, we got to talking a lot and now we're dating.Our first issue was the fact that I still talked to my ex. Which I understand but it's hard for me to stop talking to him- I don't hate him. The relationships just didn't work. But when my ex comes around he does attempt things, which is me telling him to stop and to behave so I am rarely around him unless it's a place like Wal-mart or such. Second problem. Our mutual sister-like friend's husband decided to hate me which is one of my current boyfriends closest friends.His family is iffy about me because my ways are different and I'm shy around new people.Third problem. He was semi-dating a girl in a non-sexual, rarely seeing each other relationship when we started dating. - resolvedFourth problem. Both of us have trust issues. I've cheated in the past, which I was completely honest about from the start. And when my boyfriend and I started dating things happened that shouldn't have that he is aware of.But our friends keep telling us we need to break up but they can't give a reason."It's him. He's manipulative and bad for you.""You two are too different."Only answers I can get.We argue, we resolve the issues, we're very similar and are both overly stubborn when it comes to each other, both have been pushed over in past relationships and trust issues. We're also 21/20. I get along with his friends, though three of them seem to have developed crushes on me and one an obsession though I have made it clear to them I love their friend very much. All of his guy friends are single oddly, and we wonder if they're like this 'cause they want the attention I might be taking away. Though most of our time together is with his friends or family and a few moments to ourselves. And he has alone time with his friends.I mainly have male friends, besides the mutual-female like sister friend of ours. SO I don't see my friends often due to the fact they also have crushes on me and I don't want to cause suspession or issues or when I might be frustrated at my boyfriend and they attempt something. They wouldn't get anywhere but friendship isnt worth risking. Due to their weird work schedual my boyfriend hasnt met my friends yet.Does something seem wrong with the relationship? Why do people keep saying we need to break up. If someone could give me a good, valid reason I wouldn't be so.... ticked about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): You sound exactly like one of my female friends OP, completely naive and soft when it comes to men yet intelligent to know what the deal is with them to a certain degree but no idea what it means or how to handle it. Let me explain; first off you still have your ex sniffing around you, an ex who you know still wants to and tries to bone you when he gets the chance, that to me would be a deal breaker no questions asked I don't date girls too weak, or needy of their attention to make a guy stop doing that as it's very easy. "Don't fucking do that again, if you do I will never talk to you again" that's not hard.
I wouldn't trust you for a second because of that to be honest, sure you never intend to do anything but he does and it takes one drunken moment, one lapse of concentration and he gets his prize. "hard for me to stop talking to him" That to me is weakness, you may disagree but can you honestly say you'd trust your guy if he had a girl who was sniffing around and he let her? That he refuses to tell point blank not to try it on again but instead just hopes he's not in a situation where she will? Not good OP because you have a history of cheating too, add that to fact you're very soft and flaky when it comes to men and you wouldn't even get a second date with me to be honest.
Second problem what are your "ways" that they are different and makes your family dislike you and why does this husband also hate you?
OP my friend has very similar things with people and to be honest it's because she is a very naive woman who doesn't stop men showing an interest in her, she is very aloof to it and just hopes that they'll stop on their own and it never does, she always feeds that in these guys even though she doesn't think she is. Maybe you're different OP but you need to discover where all this shit towards you comes from because there is no smoke without fire.
There's also a naivete as regards to your friends, you really can't figure out why friends of whom you readily admit have crushes on you wouldn't like you having a boyfriend and think you should break up with him? Really? can't see why they would try and break you up no? Jealousy pure and simple.
OP no offence but I can kind of understand why his friends and family would tell him to stay away from you, you're too soft and naive to be trusted. You've cheated and are still in regular contact with a ex you can only barely say no to.
I mean come on OP you have by your own admission a whole herd of men trying to get with you "don't want to cause suspession or issues or when I might be frustrated at my boyfriend and they attempt something."
I hate to say it OP and I mean no offence whatsoever but if I was his friend I would warn him against you too, you just like to have guys hanging off you trying it on and a girl like that is not relationship material to me at all. She's cheated before, doesn't know how to get guys to back off, she'll just avoid them instead and hope she doesn't get into that kind of situation instead of just being the hardass that women need to be sometimes when it comes guys. It is pretty much guaranteed that she'll get into a situation with a guy that she can't handle at some stage in the future and then you get screwed.
So to break it down this is what looks like to me.
Your friends don't want you with him because they're jealous and want you for themselves. You're not trustworthy in my eyes because you have no balls or you just like male attention so much that you don't mind feeding guys crushes. You've also cheated in the past.
You don't seem to know how to handle unwanted attention from guys or how deal with male attention in a responsible way that won't get you in trouble.
Forget what they say about your relationship and examine what it is you're doing that means nearly every guy you know is only really sticking around because they want to fuck you. What signals are you giving out OP and what way are you behaving. Don't need to tell me or explain to us, but you really should examine why that's the case and maybe see how other girls deal with guys like that. Also ask yourself if you really think those kind of things are acceptable in a woman who is in a committed relationship especially with a guy who says he has trust issues.
But most of all OP be very, very careful with this guy. Trust issues is usually a cover for a guy who jealous, possessive and manipulative and maybe I'm wrong about your friends being jealous and they know something about this guy you're ignoring OP because as I said you seem very naive, you need to look closely at this behaviour and whether he's been jealous a lot or possessive because neither of those things are ever good OP and trust issues is usually the excuse and normally that only ever gets worse and not better.
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