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Does she really want to stay "just friends"?

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Question - (11 October 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *ig rob writes:

I have an very strong relationship with someone who insists she wants to remain "just friends" for fear of ruining our relationship.She often says and does things that make me think she wants more,including masturbating in front of me when we are talking on the webcam to each other.I would never do that with anyone who I was "just friends" with so I am seriously confused why she would.I would like things to progress and need to know why she would do these things if she doesn't want more.She is in a relationship with a woman at the moment (and has been for @ 10 years) but insists she is NOT a lesbian and is extremely unhappy with her situation.I am confused by the mixed signals.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (12 October 2011):

eddie agony auntOh I get it. She's not a lesbian she's a vagatarian. Come one, I'd say by definition she's on the gay side of the scale. She is a woman having sex with another woman. Masturbating on the cammera, kinky, exhibitionist? She doesn't seem like she wants a relationship with anyone. What attracts you to her?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (11 October 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntShe's in a long term relstionship, she's told you that she just wants to be friends, and she plays with herself in front of you when you are talking to each other on the net. How does she act when you two are face to face?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011):

I would say be straight forward with this woman. Tell her that her signals confuse you. She says "just friends" but as you say acting sexually toward you is very unfair.

Also, unhappy or not, it isn't right for her to go behind her girlfriend's back. If she's not happy she needs to resolve that issue. But at the same time she can't be playing games with you. And that's what it sounds like to me, playing games.

It is hard to say if she wants more. She may see you as a friend with benefits type of thing, but both parties need to agree to that, and it often ends in one party falling for the other. (I personally don't think it works out, too much is involved in sex to really keep feelings out of it forever.)

The whole "ruin our relationship" thing is a signal that she's had some bad experiences. She may think commitment causes relationships to crumble. However, the behavior you describe is far more destructive than being in a b/f-g/f relationship.

I'd say she has some baggage, or is just using you to vent and then for her own sexual gain. One of those.

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