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age
26-29,
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writes: Hi guys. I hope you all are enjoying your holiday vacations and I hope you all have a merry christmasUm, I suppose I'm having some trouble coping with the things that are being revealed to me as I grow up.So, I guess you could say that I have a massive issue with prejudice people and racist people and I'm all about having your own mind and being yourself and finding your own path you know...but like. I'm fifteen and I feel like sort of misguided at times because I don't know what to believe anymore.My parents constantly tell me, don't trust white people because they mess over you or if something negative happens that involves white people they're like I told told you it's still a white man's world and all this other crap. I can't even have white friends without them telling me stuff liketry talking to some black people or that white girl isn't your friend and all this other crap and it's really really frustrating. But before I go on...I don't wanna really make my parents sound like racists...they aren't, they're what youd call old school I guess and have been through segregation and all that stuff and I understand where they are coming from but does every white person have to be an enemy? I wish that instead of telling me don't trust whites that they would just say don't trust people. Because every ethnicity has their own faults. Blacks can be filthy just like whites can be filthy just like asians can be filthy just like the spanish and mexicans can be filthy. There are way too many kinds of people on this earth for someone to single out one race and call them bad. And it's also scary because I'm afraid that when I grow up that if I go out and start dating the types of men that I like that I'll be betrayed and m parents will be proven right and I'll never be satisfied with anyone. It makes me wanna cry sometimes because I feel like, you know, people say you should do what makes you happy but right now its starting to turn out that if I do what makes me happy I'll end up getting hurt and it's all because of this dumb racism thing. And quite frankly it's starting to piss me off, I know that there's nothing I can do about racism, but still, like really? I just want some advice on how to cope with this...like does race really matter you guys. Honestly, does it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): OP your parents grew up in a very different world than you and have very good reason to feel the way they do.
It's not a matter of race being important, you'll find most people think it's not, but racism is important and it's important to be aware of it. I'm a white Irishman and can safely say it is still a white, man's world. We get paid better than women and people of a different skin colour or nationality. We still have more opportunities and while I hate it you will find a lot of challenges and injustices in your life based on your skin colour alone and others to do with your gender too.
The only thing I suggest is that you not let it be an issue for you in the same way it has become to your parents. They have very good reason to feel that way and when you become an adult you can discuss the kind of experiences they and your grandparents had growing up. America hasn't changed that much from those times but it has changed just enough for mainstream attitudes to have changed but you'll still find a hell of a lot of white american's who will detest you based on your skin colour alone so it is always good to be aware of that and always stand up to that but in general don't let it rule your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): personally i have no issues with race and have dated many people of different races (not always to the acceptance of family)
the only thing with me (maybe im slightly racist i dont know) is i would like a baby that resembles my "race" and i know that with certain races with strong skin color that would not be possible so i limit my dating to races based on that. (which still leaves many people round the world one of whom i Hope to one day find and be happy with)
That is my personal feeling please dont judge me for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): Honestly it does not matter to me. I have Vietnamese friends, black friends, white friends, Hispanic friends, Filipino friends, etc. And I'm dating an Aryan LOL, not really but he is German and blue eyed and blonde haha!
Like you said, people who stereotype just aren't getting it. There are good and bad people, regardless of race. Ignorant people just like scapegoats. They may have been raised that way. But I admire your attitude and truly feel that people who think this way are the valuable people in our society because they see people as so much more than their exterior.
I'm white, and I was raised to be not only "tolerant" but friends with all people. I was bought black barbie dolls and cabbage patch dolls because those are the ones I truly wanted. In the 4th grade my best friend was black, and we did everything together. I think having parents who instilled the notion that racism is such a low, pointless thing and people are valuable for their inner nature, not their exterior or social status, helped me grow to be smart enough to think beyond race.
Just some thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): No race does not matter, I have always grown up with many friends all of different ethnicity, religion and what have you. It is the person they are not the race that matters. I personally can't stand any racist crap, irregardless of who is sprouting it. I couldn't care less what the differences might be between me and the person, I do however care about the person they are and how they treat other's. Keep on looking at how people behave and how they treat people to find the people who are worth knowing, irregardless of their race, as long as they are good people who treat others with respect, that is all that matters.
merry Christmas
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Hi
Racist rubbish bothers me too. When I was aged less than 12 I can recall huge issues when I would try to change my father's views on race. I failed. I can recall that I had a penfriend and we had to agree to disagree and to not write to each other for 6 months as her views echoed her parent's then racist views. I think her father went to his grave still racist.
Yet when I went to University I was so happy that intelligent well read people do not support racist views.
And I loved the social experiment "blue eyes/brown eyes" that tried to demonstrate to people what it feels like to be excluded or marginalised.
Today I work alongside people of from many cultures and racial origins, and I look at a person's actions not just their words and not their racial origins. And I love it that we all get on well.
We are not that different at all. Look at every country in the world - every country you can name operates under 7 days a week. We are not that different. there is no country that operates under a 16 day week and another under a 3 day week.
Then look at language. No matter how the words are pronunced there is not one culture in the world that does not have the following words in their language (although they will not pronounce it as we do in our culture) and those words are universal in all languages, Mother, father, child, yes, no, please, thankyou and greeting words. It is only the sounds that come out of the mouth that make it seem we are different when we are not.
No matter where you were born and who are your parents we all have a heart, lungs and liver. Our people are bornm learnm grow, hopefully fall in love and maybe have children and they lives their lives and if they are lucky they live to be old.
Yes there are cultural issues. How we are socialized makes a big difference
But do some travel in other countries and you may be surprised how little some cultures attach to color.
Ignorance is not truth.
there will be ignorance while people choose to shut their eyes and hold onto old views.
There are good and bad people in all cultures. And then there are ordinary people just trying to do the best for their families in all cultures.
Getting an education is the best Passport to a better life.
Reading widely and being non-judgemental means you can learn more. And discover more interesting people.
I really don't care if a person is purple, persimon, green or blue.
What I do like is people who I call EVOLVED. as opposed to UNEVOLVED.
EVOLVED people have reached the top of Maslow's Pyramid (see same on Internet). EVOLVED people are not judgemental. They are not greedy or jealous and they try their best to be kind and understanding to others. EVOLVED people also are wise enough to make good decisions about their life choices.
NON-EVOLVED people are bitchy, jealous, unkind, they enjoy hurting others, they think it is funny when they embarass another, they get their fun from humiliating people. And they also belong to the group of people I call PEOPLE-POISONERS and they are toxic and best avoided. Non-evolved people start wars and do bad things to others. The world needs less non-evolved people but they still exist and will possibly always exist. They have no shame when they do unkind nasty things to others. The ACTIONS will show up in a nasty person. they cannot help themselves. So watch the actions. Do they listen to you without judgement? do they try to spread lies about someone or cast aspersions about someone? (if they will do it to them then they will do it to you
And if a guy is involved with others who do bad things then never wear rose colored glasses. If a guy runs with the dogs the guy will get fleas. Who a person likes being with is who the person is. Wearing a nice suit or driving a nice car does not make a guy a 'good guy'. Some of the worst criminals dress very well and drive expensive cars.
My aim is to keep on working on myself and hope I can continue to make good decisions and do no harm.
And both groups - evolved and non-evolved can be found in all cultures, all religions, all countries and at all levels in society and in all people of the world no matter what ethnic group they are descended from. They can be rich or poor. It is their BEHAVIOR and their attitudes and the values and their ACTIONS that DEFINE who they are. Sometimes they are not, initially, easy to spot. But their actions will reveal them every time.
Race does not matter to me at all. But ACTIONS do matter.
All you can choose to do is watch the ACTIONS of a person. Do they speak to you respectfully? Are they kind? Do they make time for you. Are their answers genuine or glib? Are they considerate towards you? Do they honor their promises to you. Are they reliable? Do they speak respectfully about others, especially their own immediate family.
Growing up, in order to survive, and escape the culture of my family I chose a series of people whose behavior I admired and I chose to emulate them. It is how I developed into who I am. If I had meekly accepted the culture I grew up in, withoug question, then my life would have worked out very differently. And not for the better
Keep on observing people. do not be in a rush to enter into a relationship. Step back and observe and watch the behavior of others and learn.
Best Wishes
Abella
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