A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:since my ex broke up with me 2 months ago we have been on fairly good terms. he wanted to still be friends, and i never really gave a direct answer to being friends other than i would need some time to be able to even talk with him again. so we did a short (1month) period of no contact but since then we have been emailing briefly back and forth. i still miss him terribly, but im not sure how to tell if he is missing me too and thats why he bothers to email me occasionally .. or is he just happy to keep up the communication and be on good terms. i think we've both been kind of making a point to keep our convos free of "our relationship" talk since i guess its still not all that long ago we broke up, and we're both super busy with work and school so i think the time apart came at a good time for both of us (and we're both still pretty busy) for me as much as the breakup completly crushed me, i think it was also important. We both treated eachother very well, and we never fought (so that wasn't the problem) .. however, the fact the i was so blindsided by his change of heart made me realize that i took his committment to me completley for granted and there are probably a few communication/emotional things for me to work on with myself. and he also admitted to handling the whole situation poorly, and not communicating his problems well, basically saying that anything i feel or do after the break up is completely justified, and he understands if i dont want to talk to him for a long time if ever. but he also told me that whenever im ready to talk again, it wouldnt ever be too soon or late to hear from me. so in the end, i feel like i know how i want to try improve myself, and i also know that he was amazing and something i dont want to give up on just yet. i feel that its still too early to push him about getting back together, so all i can think to do right now is keep up the occasional message. i just can't read him yet. we've always been so nice/respectful in the way that we've talked to eachother that its hard to read anything into it. i just wish i could tell if he misses me or if he really just wants to be friends so i can avoid setting myself up for a complete let down :/ how can i tell if he might be interested again in the future or if he has moved on? help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): hi young and foolish, your completely right. i do want to take things slowly and not rush into anything so i can protect myself from getting hurt again.
i guess the part that keeps tripping me up and making it hard to move on is that the only problem he cited for breaking up with me was that he started feeling disconnected because of the distance (LDR) and then towards the end of our relationship he felt his feelings were changing. everything thing else between us seemed so great. and in a few months i'll be living much closer to where he lives.
i guess im still hoping for a second chance in the future so that i can see if distance was really the only problem in the relationship or if we really did just grow apart with out me recognizing it. i know that distance is hard and that it doesn't always have to be a deal breaker, but i also feel like our relationship didn't have enough time to develop and really stand up to the test. we dated for two months in the summer while i was living by him, but then i went away to school and we basically started out as an exclusive couple long distance. when we first started dating he told me he had a bad experience with a LDR in the past that basically had the same problem what happend with me - getting disconnected. he told me logic was telling him that he probably shouldnt get involved because i was going back to school, but for once he wanted to listen to his heart and take a chance with me because he really really liked me. looking back, im not sure if i should have taken this as a warning sign ..
unless he brings it up first i dont plan on asking him any questions about getting back together in the near future. i know it may be silly to hold out hope, but i can't help but still wish for a second chance right now :/
A
female
reader, young_and_foolish  +, writes (24 December 2010):
the trouble with this is, it's the holiday's sometimes people miss that feeling of connection and intimacy and familiarity that used to come so easily in a time that calls for it.
I think what's safe to remember for both parties involved is that you broke up for a reason and that those issues whether or not there are residual feelings, can still be the reason you experience trouble in the future if left unresolved.
If you still want romance with someone who wants a platonic relationship, that's the quickest way to become enemies or at least cause your self-esteem a little damage.
I'd consider taking it just as slowly with him as you would someone new and gauge his actions much like you would a stranger rather than the affectionate guy you once had.
maybe he's lonely, maybe he's horny, maybe he does miss you and maybe he does truly want friendship but you shouldn't desire to "push him back into a relationship" if you feel you have to coerce, force, beg, trick or manipulate someone into a relationship, it won't be fulfilling for either.
let things happen naturally, the need to have things happen in such a scheduled way reveals a need for control and ultimately underlying insecurities
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