A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[OP original title]Hello everyone! I'm 21 years old and I think I've gotten myself into quite a mess. This guy and I met at our school a few months ago. We didnt get a chance to talk that much because it was the end of the semester but he added me on facebook and we started talking a little bit more. We're on summer break now and he said he wanted to come visit me for a couple days (I live in a pretty famous town)I agreed thinking it was just a friendly visit but I have a feeling that he likes me more than a friend and expects a hook up but I dont want that to happen. He's coming this week and he's driving 3 hours to see me. I told him that I live with my dad and he said he hopes that my dad doesnt kill him. I asked why he would and he said that he's not sure yet. I really hope he doesnt get the wrong idea that I want to be more than friends, I mean we barely know each other. Am I leading him on by agreeing to let him stay with me? Should I tell him not to come? Please help!
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (11 August 2010):
 It does sound like he's expecting a hookup. It sounds like he's trying to test the waters, but in a flirty way that's assuming more than you've bargained for. Are you looking forward to the visit at all, or do you just feel dread? Or maybe you'd still like to hang out as friends? Trust your gut feeling on this.
If you still want him to visit, before he gets there, I STRONGLY suggest you make it plain that you don't have sexual or romantic feelings about him. Guys don't take hints very well, so don't just mention he'll be sleeping in the guest room or say something like "I can't wait for you to meet all my other friends!" You need to be direct.
It's hard, but I think you need to come out and say what you told us...only more. If you say "we barely know each other" he could still misinterpret that and be like, "Ooh, sexyyy!" So do yourself a favor and tell him honestly, "I just want to spend the weekend as friends, seeing the sites of (town)" or whatever you feel you need to say. It's hard, but in my experience, if you give him any wiggle room he will wiggle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Yeah he's on his way for a hookup.
Let me tell you a little secret about guys, if you start getting to know us out of the blue and if you don't make it clear to us you're not interested in hooking up, then we'll just assume you are and by not telling us no, you're just playing hard to get. Agreeing to let him come visit you, is in his mind a definite "come get me". So he tested the waters a little with the whole 'dad kill me' comment.
That's how it works, you girls make this whole dating thing so cryptic we can only assume you're interested until you tell us no. There's very little difference between the signals a girl gives for romantic or friendship interest, interest is interest after all.
Plus it's just assumed by most guys that girls know we don't just spark up random friendships with girls we hardly know, we really just don't do that without an agenda and that agenda is pretty much always dating.
When women learn that it's best to get the 'no' out of the way sooner rather than later, instead of worrying about hurting feelings or assuming guys just magically know you're not interested, then the world will be a better place.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Yes, he would not be coming if he wasn't looking to hook up with you. Why would you agree to let someone you barely know stay with you? Not a smart move in my book.
Are you leading him on? Yes and no. You are being friendly. While it is nothing more than that to you, to him it is entirely different. He is likely not expecting a hook up, but more like strongly hoping for one.
Should you tell him not to come? Not necessarily. I would make it very very very clear to him that you are not interested in a relationship with him beyond friends. If he still wants to come, he is welcome to, but nothing romantic will happen. That way he knows what he's getting into.
Driving 3 hours isn't much. I take longer weekend trips, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.
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