A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been engaged to my fiance for three years. He is divorced with grown children.He is always getting past events from his life mixed up with our current ones.One day he turned to me and asked How long has it been since we went to this state on a vacation. There was a commercial on TV about the state. I said "never". He had gone to this state on a vacation very early in his marriage with his ex-wife and with his kids.At a movie he asked me how long has it been since we had last seen a movie together in a theater. Again, I said "never." We stay home and watch movies. He did take in movies at a theater with his ex-girlfriend.We were out with a couple and he started going on about a place we attended together, which we never did, and it turns out it was with his ex-girlfriend. It was embarrassing for me.We met up with his son and were telling him about our next excursion and his son said to send a picture if his dad does this event. I went on to tell his son that I did manage to get his dad on a horse. Then my fiance told his son, but don't you remember I was on a horse at your Uncle Warren's farm when we would visit together. Something I was unaware of. I felt excluded not knowing about that. I guess you would have to be there to feel the moment. I thought to myself it was a one up.There are other examples, to numerous to tell here. He confuses me so much with his ex-wife and what they did together and also his ex-girlfriends, one in particular.It's like I don't exist, when in fact I am right in front of him.It's like he looks at me, but doesn't see me, but see's his ex-wife or ex-girlfriends and all those past events they had together.What is wrong with the wiring of his brain. Or is it a guy thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2015): Hi. I guess memory problems cant be ruled out if he does it that often....
If it isn't this, has he always done this with you? And have you spoken to him about it and how you feel when he does it? I guess a positive spin could be he is associating you with many good memories, which to me suggests he isn't remembering fond memories of another woman here hunny at all! He's remembering going somewhere or doing something, and that's his emotional trigger- not the person he did it with. I would look to checking out his memory if he's open to it, and explaining what he does and how you feel. The very least he should do is offer reassurance and apologies, and an attempt to agree when to shut up of he does it again! X
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2015): My mom confuses events that happened with my brother for ones that happened to me. My wife's mom does the same with her and her sister. One time I was dating a girl and she was telling her friend about this cafe we went to. I told her I had never been there. She insisted we had. We argued about it. Then she said: "I guess it was with some other guy!" Her friend laughed so hard! I was a little embarrassed but it is okay because there are places I DID go with her that she totally forgot about. Some people are just like that. My mom-in-law will say "Best cheesecake I ever had!" and then the next day talk about how she hasn't had "the best cheesecake" from her favorite place (not the same place) in forever.It happens. After three years it should happen less often, but you are also getting older. Talk to him about it and tell him it hurts you. It is am embarrassing thing for all involved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Wow he needs to be checked out by a doctor as mentioned by the previous posters. I personally don't but into the excuses that men just don't remember . This is socially conditioned behaviour vecause traditionally women have always had the responsibility for remembering family events , birthdays and the like.If there is no health reason , I can totally understand why you would feel hurt as it would feel like he doesn't see you or your relationship as unique or special but rather , just something that fills the void of lost relationships. So perhaps start with the doctor and if no answers come from that then maybe a counsellor
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): I wouldn't go as far as to assume the man has Alzheimer's; but he has a long history with two other women and a short one with you.
He may get memories jumbled; but that's not uncommon with people who were previously married and have full-grown children. Women are much better at remembering anniversaries and milestones than we men are. Most guys have to be reminded of things, and they don't have memory disorders; they just don't always recall details when they've shared their lives with several people in the past.
I wouldn't rule out suggesting he see his doctor just to make sure. I think that was good advice.
I would suggest that you keep a scrap-book and photo album of all the things you share and do together; and sit and go over them ever so often. This will refresh his memory and will allow him to start fresh on his new journey through life with you.
He recalls a lot of good memories, and only assumes they may have been with you. I wouldn't take umbrage with memory lapses with a person in their fifties. He had a long life and shared it with other people before you came along. Lines start to blur as we age. You'll see.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 February 2015):
 I really can't diagnose him, like a doctor would, but... to me it sort of sounds like early onset of Alzheimer?
Forgetfulness, can't keep memories in the right order?
http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_10_signs_of_alzheimers.asp
Look at these 10 signs and decide if you think it could be it, if it is, have him see a doctor.
Have you talked to him at all about it? Does he dismiss it?
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