A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20yrs old and went out of the country for my first time last week for a competition. I was there for 7 days and the first day I was there I met a wonderful guy, Nicholas. The problem is, he lives in Guatemala, I live in the US. We hit it off every day after and spent as much time together as possible. Another problem is he speaks spanish, I speak english. I took 3 years of spanish in high school so I know the basics and he only knows a few english things. I have never had a guy treat me this way before. He is such a gentleman and made me feel so good like no one has before. My previous boyfriend, who I still talk to, does not make me feel that way at alland is extremely controlling and constantly putting me down. Everyone who I was with noticed how happy I was when I was around Nicholas and I let him show affection to me in public, and I have never let anyone do that before and it was noticed. The people who I went with really like Nicholas and by the time we had to say goodbye I realized how much I liked this guy. The language barrier is a problem, but I am going to try to learn more spanish and he is going to try to learn more english. We have talked online a few times since I returned and we both have said how me missed eachother alot and wished we lived closer. He is trying so hard to write in english and underdtand more and I can tell. I would love to go see him in March over my break but the only thing is I only know him in Guatemala, will know more spanish by the time I am there, but will be traveling by myself. My parents are super protective and would freak out at the idea of me going to see him and also are not too keen on the idea of someone of a different background when I mentioned him. I think we could end up in a long term relationship and who knows what else. I have never felt this way before about anyone...and I have dated quite a few people. Also, do relationships with language barriers work? Should I go with my feelings and go visit him, ignoring what my family will say and try to stop me, or stay here and hope I will see him again one day?Thanks for reading and I look forward to the advice! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, slicknick  +, writes (21 April 2010):
This sounds like more fantasy than reality. The guy could have ulterior motives like citizenship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Hi I was just wondering how that all worked out for you. This was two years ago now. Did your relationship develop? I am in a very similar situation so I would really like to know. Thanks!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): i say go......i was married for 12 years and with him for a total of 16 years my ex is like your ex, and i too have meet a guy he is mexican and speeks a little english but we are working through it. he is soo sweet. i say go and see your man you only live once and your young make the best of it....live your life for you.....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your responses and help! I will definately look into it. I have mentioned going to Guatemala to my mother and she was not extremely opposed to the idea, but was just wondering why I would want to do something like that. I have also been pondering the idea of going to teach out of the country and Guatemala could be a possibility but I need to see what experience and qualifications needed before pursing this. I plan to go visit within the next two months or so and I will go from there with everything. Thanks again for everything and if you ever find more information or new ideas feel free to tell me!
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Poster, this new internet service might help you:
http://www.speaklike.com
You would chat with your young man, and someone would translate it right away.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (1 February 2008):
I believe that this last question of yours has more to do with your personal independence than with this young man or Guatemala. The basic question here is whether you should give it a try even if your parents disapprove. My answer is a very careful yes, and a careful yes that needs an explanation.
As a matter of principle, at some point in life you need to call your own shots. You're already deep into that, as you live on your own in campus. And, like most American girls I have met, I'm sure you're not going back to your parent's house. From this moment on, you're basically on your own. That doesn't mean your parents wouldn't help you if you were in trouble, or you should not consider them your close family. I just mean that you need to make decisions on your own. And earn your money on your own, too :-).
When you told me that your mother didn't really speak against your going, bur then didn't really speak her mind, either, you reminded me of my our Latin American mothers :-). This is what some of them do when they don't want you to do something, but don't want to take the bull by the horns and say it clearly. In this regard, in addition to what I said above, that is, that you need to call your own shots, I think you should also always demand, from everyone, that they speak clearly. So, if your mother didn't really voice a concern, and just dropped a hint, refuse to take it. Don't let people guide you with hints, ever. And I mean no one, not only your parents.
I believe you should tell your parents that you're going, and then listen to them lecturing you. Something valuable may come from that lecture. And then, if you really want to go, you should tell them that you're going anyways. This is so because, like I said, at some point you need to call your own shots. Many parents want you to do that, on the one hand, but they also want to have a say in what you will or won't do, and you can't have it both ways, can you?
I'm sure you know this, but I will mention it just for the sake of clarity. Growing up means you need to make your own decisions, good or bad, and this means you don't need to make it a principle to get somebody's blessing. You do need to be careful, though, because it's your life that's at stake.
That said, I would also like to comment that sometimes parents are overprotective and bossy because they see real dangers, or because they are not really informed about what is happening and fear the worst. Don't think that they are just obtuse. I'm sure they really love you and want only the best for you.
You're doing the right thing in waiting to see if there is something real with this guy here. It's easy to fall for a pretty blonde, and not only in Central America. It's much harder to love her for who she is, not only for her nice looks. That said, I need to comment something. People say there is no love at first sight, and I tend to agree, but I'm sure the ones who say that have never been blinded by love, or at least by passion :-).
I don't know what your field of study is, but I'm sure you would benefit from learning Spanish. Not only to communicate with this guy, but in general, as an asset for your career. It's the language of twenty countries, and like 400 million people. In Europe, where everyone needs to speak somebody else's language, Spanish comes right after English. Sorry; forget about French. It's a wonderful language, but learn it as your THIRD language.
Some people say bad things about long distance relationships, and I'm sure they have a point. What people fail to mention is that these relationships do have beauty, in the sense that you find true commitment (so easy to find these days, isn´t it?) in a person you see next to never, who doesn't have the gratification of sex, who can't go out and have dinner with you, and who is betting high on an adventure that may not end well. Someone who gives you all of his/her attention in the few days of the year that s/he can see you. It is wonderful to feel you're loved to that extent. That might distract you from thinking clearly what future there is in the relationship. That is beautiful, but be careful, too.
Take care. I hope I've helped, but I'm willing to help more if you need it.
I have a little Spanish for you to learn. It's only three words. I wonder if you will understand them? You're giving this guy what the phrase means.
Amor del bueno.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou have helped a great deal...I was not sure who to talk to about this and I thank you alot. He is working on English more and I am working on Spanish as well. I believe I will wait a few months to travel there to make sure this is definately something real, but as of now I truly believe it is. One other question I wanted you to give your opinion on if you could is the parents situation. I told my mom about him and she did not seem so supportive but also did not really give her opinion. All I said was I met him and told her how he made me feel and she would really like him. I do not live with my parents, I live on campus at school. If I even mentioned the idea of going to Guatemala they would not even consider it, ban me from going, and on top of that they would lecture me. I am contemplating the idea of going without them knowing and only letting my sister and a few others know what I am doing just so someone knows. Should I mention the idea and try to get their blessing even though I know it will not happen or should I just go without them knowing and will regret if I don't go?
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (1 February 2008):
I'm honestly happy that you want to give this love a try. I was afraid I would discourage you, when all I wanted was to present you the hard facts.
This guy you met is a lucky man. He should appreciate his luck. It's not everyday, I guess, that a woman from a distant country keeps just doesn't forget you and wants to be near you again.
Some things you should be careful about:
Money and/or friendship. Many people will think that you mean money, and will try to take advantage from you. Not EVERYONE, mind you, but bad apples exist everywhere, don't they? You need to be careful. Guatemala is not a rich country, and the poor people you will see (have seen) there will move your heart. But, you have needs as well. Don't let people abuse your good heart.
Love. We find blonde Americans extremely hot. You need to make sure this is real love, and not just physical attraction.
Thieves. A woman who is living alone in a country she doesn't know much about is an easy target. And then, sorry if I offend a Guatemalan out there, but that IS a dangerous country. That said, many foreigners find their way there and live very happily.
Scams. As it is always the case, when a person travels abroad, she or he will not know the ways of the country and will be the victim of scams.
Bureaucracy. This, you can't do anything about :-). No one can. You'd better bang your head against a wall, for all the good it will do.
The American government provides information for American travelers. Here's a general link to all travelers, "A Safe Trip Abroad":
http://travel.state.gov/travel/tips/safety/safety_1747.html
Here's the country-specific information, as of December 2007:
http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_1129.html
And the web page of the American embassy:
http://guatemala.usembassy.gov/index.html
Also, health could be a concern for you as you don't speak the language. I think you would need to find someone who could assist you in English. The American Embassy in Nicaragua used to have a list of English-speaking doctors, but I couldn't find a similar list for Guatemala. Maybe there is one, though.
Apart from that, you will love the country. It seems you already love the man :-).
Take care, and feel free to ask for more help if you need to.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all your advice...it was very helpful. I am definately considering visiting Guatemala within the next couple months...I have looked into some things on the country, but also, what are some of the things I would need to be careful about, as I am a younger, blonde american woman?
I appreciate your response!
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (30 January 2008):
Dear poster, your question does have many interesting sides to it. And I believe I'm in a good position to give comments. I live in Nicaragua and have been involved and been witness to relationships like yours, some successful ones, some failed ones. And I'm a translator :-).
My recommendation is that you take it easy. You need to know whether this is just a temporary attraction, or the beginning of something more serious.
Language is a barrier, but it is less of a problem over time. And, when two people love each other, language may be a problem but they find a way to understand each other. I had a friend who spoke NO English who married his Canadian girlfriend, who in turn understood very little Spanish. If these two married, I think it's fair to say that the language barrier can be broken. And then, English and Spanish do have many cognate words. A dictionary can work wonders.
You say he treats you like no one had treated you before. I'm sure it is so. The reason is, we are used to a much warmer personal contact than Anglos are. We feel you are dry. Just to give you an example, where an American will only shake hands, a Latin American might kiss you. And then, love does make everything look and feel so nice.
But this should not prevent you from seeing your situation with realistic eyes. Your relationship would need to be long distance for quite some time, unless you left for Guatemala. It is very hard for Latin Americans to travel to the United States with a resident visa. It is even harder in a case like yours, two young people in love. The reason is, American authorities suspect that is only a temporary arrangement and they make it harder for the young person to enter the United States. And I assume you're still in college. You need to finish your career.
For the time being, your relationship would need to exist mostly as internet and phone contact. The good news in this is, that isn't expensive. And perhaps he could get one of those VoIP phones with an American number. Now that is CHEAP.
If you want to see him, most likely you will have to travel to Guatemala. And if you want to spend a long time with him, you will need to live there.
That can be a good thing. I'm not sure what you are studying at the time, but maybe you could find that a trip to Guatemala is a way to learn Spanish and perhaps accumulate field experience that may be useful for you later in life.
If you eventually married, it would take years for him to be able to live in the United States. I know what I'm talking about. It could be three, four or five years. That is difficult.
Culture can be a problem. Not intending to raise any terrible discussion, the truth is that Latin American men do not grow in the company of independent women, as most Americans are. And American women don't grow in the company of Latin American men. We need to learn your ways, and American women need to learn ours. That can be a problem. A man we would call "sensitive" could be a terrible macho for you. And behavior that you would consider normal can be seen as slutty here. I'm not judging anyone; I'm just stating the facts. If any of you two can't adjust to a different way of thinking, then you will have problems. Communication would be essential here. More so than in any other relationship.
His being of a different background can be bad. Or good. With all due respect for your parents, does the fact that he is different mean he is bad?
If you go to Guatemala, be careful. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but that is a dangerous country, more so for a nice young American who doesn't know what places to avoid. I'm not saying you should not go; I'm only saying you'd need to be careful.
If you want to go to Guatemala and see him, I think that would be none of your parents' business. But I have seen that sometimes parents don't really accept a brown grandson. Sorry if I am blunt, but that's reality. Bear that in mind.
Some people will think that he is with you because you mean money. Unfortunately, sometimes that is the case. But it's not always so. Make sure you know who you're getting involved with.
I think I have pretty much covered everything. But I'm willing to help you if you need any more information.
Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Firstly: Your family shouldn't have too much of a say in this. Consider their thoughts but ultimately it's your decision. If they can'tget over the fact that he's from a different backround then that's not your problem.Secondly: If you really hit it off and you feel safe and loved around him then give it a shot. What have you got to lose. You could take it easy by just talking online and getting to know each other first. Thirdly: The language barrier is a very over-comable (for want of a better word) barrier. If you both try and lean each others language and take classes and what not, you'll be there in no time. A friend of mine has been dating an El Salvadorian for the past year and a bit. Language barely a barrier and actually unties them more often than not. Explaining what words mean and so on.Lastly: The distance thing might be a problem. If your only going to be seeing him a couple times a year it might not work out. But time will tell.
...............................
|
