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Do married men stop thinking about the other woman?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2009)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

When an affair ends, does the married man ever stop thinking about the other woman? Are they easily forgotten?

Do men ever feel hurt when an affair ends or are they relieved thats it's over? Do they hide their emotions?

Married men, please let me know you're thoughts... I'd appreciate it.

View related questions: affair, married man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009):

i hear some married men talk of how easy their mistresses were. and they are not shy to divulge "intimate" info. wonder what your MM will be saying about you.

people, both male and female remember every person they have had sex with. so yes, they remember. mostly the getting laid part. it's about about the easy sex, and you know the saying- easy come, easy go.

wonder what he must have told his wife about you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you, I do agree with you all.

Essentially it was me who decided to NOT be with a married man so it was the other woman who walked away from the relationship. Although he knows he was becoming a burden in my life because of how emotional I was becoming over the situation, he still wanted to be apart of my life and allowed me to become emotionally intimate with him, to an extreme. I was very kind and affectionate with him and always made him feel like the most amazing man in this world. Do men miss the company and attention they received from the other woman when an affair ends?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):

i know you geared your question towards MM but i just want to add...yes it does matter on the individual...but i'll use my experience and hopefully it'll give you more insight...

i'll call my guy CM (commited man) because he's not married just been with his gf for a long time...no kids...

my CM does have emotions for me and shows them on a regular basis...he's gf found out on v-day and he was calling me the next day...

he still hasn't tried to leave me alone...i have tried and have been successful for maybe a week with no contact...it's clear he's where he wants to be...he choose her...i have no clue why he holds on to me other than he cares for me...because we don't have sex everytime we meet...i use to think that was the connection...

so yes...i think some of the men that cheat do develop feelings towards their mistress and are effected when and in the event that they can't see them anymore...

best hopes

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):

OK, I'll step up to the plate on this one. My "affair" didn't actually include sex. But I fell for her -- and I'm not sure that the way I felt emotionally wasn't a bigger betrayal than if it had been "just sex."

A bit of background. I'd been with my wife for seven years (an ironic bit of time, I know). Once we had kids, I pretty much fell off my wife's radar. She was too busy with her career and the kids to think of me. Intimacy -- hugs, kissing, let alone sex, became a memory.

The "other woman" was a cousin. We were thrown together by the events surrounding my father's death. I was away from home, in a sea of emotion, and she was there for me -- my wife was too busy at work to join me.

It went no farther than kissing. But I was completely blown away by how alive I suddenly felt. I'd completely forgotten what it was like to fall for someone, what the heady early days of a new relationship are like.

That was 14 years ago - to the day, now that I think about it. It ended because we both came to our senses -- I had obligations to my family, regardless of whether my wife was going to pay any attention to me. And she wasn't going to be a homewrecker under any circumstances.

I don't pine for her. We weren't compatible anyway, it would never have worked, even if I'd been single. Yes, it hurt -- it hurt "breaking up" with her, it hurt knowing I'd broken my vows. I did my best to hide my emotions -- I had the cover of my father's death, but even so I suspect my wife knew that there was more going on at the time.

But I do remember what it felt like, and I mourn for the lack of passion in my life. Those days, 14 years ago, were the last time I really felt alive.

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A female reader, bellaaddison United States +, writes (28 April 2009):

I realize that your question was directed at Married men, which it would appear, none have bothered to step forward, but my opinion is that NO ONE is above human emotion. Of course there will be lingering feelings, however, the reality of where the married man chooses to remain will supercede any lingering emotion he may have to contend with. If the man has decided to move past his infedility and truly give his marriage a try, he will have to move past any connection, emotional or otherwise to his mistress. Having said that, people do not make a connection with one another and simply forget it as if it didn't happen. People will choose what emotions are worth holding on to, and which are best left in the past. If you were the mistress and need comfort in knowing you're still in his thoughts, I would tell you that even if you are, he has made his choice. Thinking of you doesn't change the fact that he didn't choose you. Set his selfish heart free so that yours will be as well. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):

I have to surmise this question is being asked because, someone you know or maybe even yourself, was in an affair with a married man who went back to his wife? Hard to say what a married will do. All I will state is if a married man truely loved his mistress, in the most loving, giving, healthiest way..he'd be with her. If he's not, with her...he plainly loves his wife, much, much more.

I guess, I don't need to tell you that married people who step out on their spouses and families are pretty much self-involved, smarmy people. And the mistress is no better, in my books. So here it is, in a nutshell. Any woman who bases her future, her hopes, dreams and life plans on loving a married man needs to give her 'head a good shake" Once he goes back to his wife, he's made a choice to do that for a reason. It's likely guilt and regret are possibly gnawing at his conscience and this guy is not going anywhere, anytime time soon. He has made a clear cut decision to be with his wife and family..period.. What surprises me is that many women don't understand that one crucial thing when they take up with a married man. Marriage to many men, is much, much more than simply a sexual relationship. It's an emotional bond, it's family pride, it's the children, it's the solidarity of family..that keeps them there. The emotional connections of family run much deeper then anything else. All that... truely will supersede a mistress.

So what I would say to the other woman here? Heal, recover, move on. It will hurt like hell but it's crucial to get started on a renewed path in life, where you can begin building yourself a new life, one with a future and with someone who can commit to only 'you' and puts you number one, top priority in his life.

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A female reader, letmebeme United States +, writes (28 April 2009):

letmebeme agony auntI agree with kellyxxx, every man is different. I'm going to say that some men do have a hard time with it especially if it was a long time thing and the feelings were real. Sometimes it may be a relief as you no longer have to lie or sneak around. As for hiding emotions, some men do try to hide them. Everyone will have a different reaction.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (28 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntevery man is different. some will forget it and realise they made a mistake, others will dwell on it wishing that they were still having the excitemet of the affair. each person is totally individual, so it depends on your person.x

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