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Do I tell her that I am a lesbian?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

We are best friends, and I have pretty much fallen head over for her (and have liked her for like the last 3 years...) She is ridiculously cuddly with me, we act like a couple in many ways already. She has no idea that I am a lesbian, I was wondering how/if I should tell her? Any advice would be great, thanks :-)

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A female reader, Gummi United States +, writes (24 January 2009):

I think you should just tell her straight up that you have a huge crush on her and that you're a lesbian... That's what I did with most of my closest friends and my current girlfreind... They still love me for who I truely am....

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A female reader, Abrasive_Reality United States +, writes (5 January 2009):

I was in a similar situation that you are in now, however it was my best friend that was a closet lesbian, and I had no idea.

We were always together, slept in the same bed, cuddled, got dressed in front of each other, took showers together, you know the stuff girls do. One day, she told me she had something to tell me, which was normal because we talked about everything. She liked girls, and was falling in love with me. I'm a pretty understanding laid back person though, especially with her, however, i couldn't have been more confused about how i missed that. In a way I felt like I didn't really know my friend the way I thought I did and was instantly confused.

But I was still there for her.... Things got weird though, we both started to act weird towards each other and our inseparable friendship turned into a once a week meet and greet. I didn't want that to happen, but its the way things spiraled out of control, because even she was uncomfortable with acting the way we did before now that I knew.

HOWEVER, two years later and our friendship is back on track and back to the way it was, we had to establish our own boundaries and understand what happened before we could go back to the way we were....

Besides, she wasn't confident about her being a lesbian and once she told me it was like her insecurities raised to the top and made it hard for her to function around me.

I love her for who she is, and I always have. We are just friends though, and she knows that... even if she may feel more for me, we can only be friends.

So, I think its important for you to feel confident in yourself and your sexuality to come fourth to your friend, and she has to love you for who you are already to overcome and stick with you through all of this.

But no matter what, you have to tell her because in a way its almost like you are lying to her. Friendship and honesty go hand in hand and maybe she already knows and it just letting you be you and do your thing, if that's the case you have a mighty amazing friend. You telling her will be the test of all tests for your friendship.

However, i would tell her you are in love with her right away, i think you should let her absorb the concept of you being a lesbian first, then the second half may just fall in place when the time is right.

Good luck you to!

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