A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 15years. We have a 4 year old son, 12 year old daughter and we raised his stepdaughter wh is now 24 years old with two young boys. Though most of our marriage he has worked a lot and we seldom had a chance to spend much time with each other. Of course we were madly in love for most of the years but I got used to him getting comfortable and not spending much time with me or being home... I always looked forward to the days we did get to spend together. I usually took the kids places by myself (except for a vacation once a year), did most of the shopping and erronds by myself... like most couples after a while, he stopped showing much emotion with me and we still had sex maybe once a week. I just was used to it and assumed that is how long term marriage was. After my father died (who was my best friend) a few years ago I slowly fell into a depression and had no confidence or any love for myself anymore. Then an old friend found me that I had not seen or talked to in almost 20years. we started talking and the feelings I had for him returned. When I started having feelings again I realized I have not had much emotion or happiness or really any feelings in my marriage in many years. I had a breakdown and went into a deep depression. My husband knows about the old friend and I have broken off most contact with him (he lives 200miles away). My husband said it took this to make him realize how he has treated me over the years and that he loves me so much and more than when we first got married. I decided to try and make things work for the kids sake and hope and prayed my love for my husband will return. I have tried hard but when we hold hands, cuddle, kiss, have sex.... well, there is just nothign there. We have been together for so long, I do love him but it now feels like the love for a best friend or brother. I dont know if the emotions will return or if after a long marriage, this is just normal and my emotions dont really matter anymore. I am still trying, but feel bad because he knows I dont love him like he loves me and he is trying so hard. Idont feel like he deserves me if I cant have the same feelings as he does. We dont really argue or have major problems and he is a good husband and father. I do plan to try and see if the feelings return, but what are the chances of it happening? Is this just the way marriage is after a long time? Am I being selfish because I want that special feeling whe with my husband like I used to have? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): Racky, i like what you have written. I'm the anonymous male that is posted right below. I have tried all of those things. Maybe it is easier for the man to try those. if my wife tried that, i would also think she would re-fall in love with me. I think that is a good suggestion for this situation she is in.... :) 32, married man.
A
female
reader, Racky +, writes (31 December 2008):
 hi i would suggest trying to get spark back into marriage do things like going on dates, having cosy night in, possibly leave little notes to bring fun back into the marriage, and share out all errands and jobs so one half not stressed xx feelings will return if they ment to but dont give up without trying good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): I have the same story, although I am the guy. I hope to see that your feelings return. You almost directly nailed my situation. Good luck. If I had advice, it would be to try to do things to make him happy, more than ever, and see how that makes you feel? Good luck.
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