A
female
age
51-59,
*enedine
writes:my husband feels that more than being friends with his best friend was not the only thing that happened. he asks me if i fell in love him. but i would lie to him and say no , we were just close friends. when we become intimate he tells me to fantasize being with both him and his best friend. he must be going nuts! we had many long talks that he would put this behind us and move on. the problem is that when he hears a song or even a tv show about infidelity in a marriage, he treats me very insensitive. i dont blame him. i dont want to go to counseling because i think i dont love him anymore. as the days go by i feel farther apart from making our marriage of 23 years work. am i wrong? do i stay in this marriage because of the kids? what should i do?
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best friend, fell in love, infidelity, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): It's never a good idea to stay in a marriage 'for the sake of the kids'. The hostile atmosphere affects them more than some adults realise.
You don't say if there's anything still going on between you and your husband's best friend, but if there is it's impossible for you to put maximum effort into the marriage because your mind is elsewhere.
I can't imagine why he would want you to fantasize in this way unless he wanted you to feel bad about your infidelity or maybe he's trying to punish himself for reasons best known to himself.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence so I'd think very carefully about your next move. Maybe after 23 years things are getting a bit stale, so you might like to think of ways of perking up your marriage rather than ending it, but if you're quite miserable then I'd say to call it a day and move on with your life. The kids may well thank you for it but it's not a foregone conclusion.
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