A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 my g/f is 24 we have been together for 10 yrs we have two kids an 8 yr old and a 3 yr old. In august she decided she wanted to leave didnt say anything to me just left for 2 weeks i finally convinced her to come back home and try to work things out. Well we never worked on anything we were supposed to go to counsling that never happened and then in early december she told me that things werent working and she moved out. Now she decides to tell me shes known since before she had our second child that she didnt want to marry me. She says she just needs space and time to think. It seems like when ever i try to get her to talk about it she tells me something else to try and discourage me. Should i hold out hope that my family will be back together again or just move on with my life?
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move on, moved out, needs space Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): Well I'm not that nearly as old as you but I do have a lot of experience with a mom who always runs out. I assume you love her a lot. Unfortunately, she's not returning the love. As much as you hate it, you can't force someone to love you back. You can't force her to come back and you can't keep begging her. Begging her would make you seem desperate and make her want to be away from you even more. If you force her to come back, it'll be like putting a wild horse in a stable and telling them they can't run the countryside. It doesn't work. Try not to tie her down and tame her. Let her come back on her accord. It may take a while but she'll come around eventually. She probably wants a chance to be free and to breath. You can wait for her if you want but it may take years for her to come around. I don't suggest moving on though, at least not yet. Remember it's hard to mend a broken heart. Don't rush into a new relationship because only bad can come from it. Just make sure your children are being taken care of and have as much contact with them as possible. This is going to effect them the most. Make sure every decision you make you take them into consideration. Trust me, I know how it feels to have a mom who wants to be free. It's hard. You're going to really have to step up to the plate and fill in the gaps that mom missed. You have to act as both the father figure and the mother figure. It's hard work, but with determination, discipline, and hope you and your whole family will be okay.
A
female
reader, britt429 + ♥, writes (7 January 2009):
 Actions speak louder than words! She is telling you she doesn't want the relationship, by not wanting to work things out. I think she is at a stage in her life where she is looking back at the things she has missed by being in a relationship at such a young age. She wants to experience all she missed out on in her younger years.
Does she take the children when she leaves? Or does she leave them with you?
You are giving her a message that it is okay for her to come and go, by waiting for her return with open arms. You need to take charge of your life and not let her make your decisions for you.
I would say move on!
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A
male
reader, ggunit  +, writes (7 January 2009):
eish...this situation sucks because she feels like she has lost out on the best years of her life. she feels she couldn't be a party freak or do anything like flirt and go out with friends and being hit on.girls like feeling wanted, and she was never given that opportunity, so it will eat away at her until she can't do that anymore and regret it for the rest of her life.i think she decided it now because she knows she doesn't have alot of time left to do it.my advice is if you want her and yourself to be happy, let her go. it is best for your kids too. everyone says that divorce screws up kid. even though that may be the case, an unhappy home could be even worse for them..hopefully she might come back to you once she has had a year by herself. i personally wouldn't take her back because i would feel that she doesn't deserve me anymore, but to each his own.good luck. GGunit
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (7 January 2009):
 She is saying she has known 3/4 years she never ever wanted to marry you? She moved out for 2 weeks never said a thing to you just went? Came back and tried again and that never worked and she is gone again? I feel she is not being completely honest with you every time she leaves not much is said and i am wondering do you think she is seeing someone else? Just a thought i don't know but could be a possibility.
If she is not prepared to work through these issues then i can't see how you can rectify what has went wrong for now she seems to be running away at every chance she gets and i am not too sure what she is doing, two things come to mind
1.She might be seeing someone else.
2.She does'nt want it to work but can't bring herself to end it!
It is up to you to try and decipher what she is up to here if you have two young children i would always advice to make it work for the kid's sake but if she is not wanting it to work i don't know what you do that decision is yours i hope something happens to help you make up your mind one way or the other take care.
Gina
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