A
female
age
30-35,
*ekahla
writes:I've been dating a man for close to a year. We met when one of my friends was dating him. Things didn't work out between them and we didn't talk for about a year. We began dating at the end of my high school senior year (the same school he graduated from a year earlier) and I am now on my second semester as a freshman in college. he comes to visit me every weekend at school (I'm on break now) but we talk every night during the week. He has a scarred past, father died at age 6, mother never had enough to support the family, has been working since he was 14 to help out and my mother is very judgmental about that. He has the biggest heart I've ever seen and I know he loves me. He has lost touch with almost all of his friends because they moved away for college and such so I'm pretty much all he has. He lives alone, but has been struggling financially and moved in with my Aunt and uncle for a week, then finally got his own place and has been living there for about 2 weeks and loves it. His car recently broke down and it took almost a week to fix so he's been bumming rides to and from work, often from me, aka my moms car, aka I have to drive her to work and pick her up so I can use the car. My friends and family think he's a loser, but to me, because he hasn't given up when so many things have gone wrong make him even better. We love each other desperately, to the point where I feel depressed when he's at work and I can't see him. Lately, I've been wondering if I just feel bad for him and thats why I keep helping him financially, emotionally, and pretty much every other way. When we began dating, things were not like this, that's when I fell in love with him, without all these complications. It seems like I'm defending my relationship more then having one. When should I give up the fight?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 January 2008):
 You should have given up the fight a long time ago. Not with him, but with your family. It sounds like it's difficult to put themselves in his shoes. Working since age 14, that shows ambition, and it shows a willingness to do what it takes to make things work. I'd let your family know, just because they didn't have to go through the tials he's had to face, does not give them the right to judge him for it.
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