A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes accidents happen, and I appreciate that. however, I am not sure if I am over-reacting or perhaps not the man I thought I was which is generally just your average bloke.About 9 months ago my girlfriend attacked me as I forgot to bring home a lemon for her salmon. I admit it was an oversight on my part. In her anger she hit me and as I turned to walk away she threw a plate at me, the plate hit the floor, snapped in half, one half continued it's forward journey and severed my Achilles. since then I have had two operations on my foot, 7 months in plaster, 2 months of physiotherapy and still, I cannot walk properly. I miss playing sport, and cannot believe how difficult getting on and off a bus, train etc is. something I took for granted for most of my life. Right now, I feel a a huge amount of sadness and frustration with my girlfriend. I cannot figure out if this is just an unfortunate accident or perhaps a result of a violent act? Do you have any ideas? Would things be different if I had done it to her, or indeed if a male had committed this accident to a female?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Well I believe that violence is still violence, no matter whether it is a male or female committing the crime. If you had done that to her, then the liklihood is that she would have reported you to the police for domestic abuse and you would never have seen her again.So even though it is more common for women to be the victim of domestic abuse, in this case you are the victim and I have no idea why you are still with her! I would tell any woman that was with a man who hit her to leave immediately because there is always a chance it will happen again, and I will say the same to you. What she did is unforgiveable, I dont know how you can stand to be in the same room as her! She clearly has anger problems and needs professional help, regardless of whether she claims "it will never happen again" (classic line from an abusive partner). I cant believe you think of this as an accident, she physically abused you and there was no accident in that! Do you think the plate just "slipped" out of her hand and managed to hit you? Do you think her hand "slipped" when it hit you?Imagine reading that story about someone else, what would you say to them? You would tell them that they are not safe in that relationship because their partner is violent and they need to leave ASAP.I cannot condone violence and I think as soon as one person is violent towards the other, regardless of male/female, then the relationship is over. You do not physically hurt the person you love, simple. My ex-boyfriend hit me once and as soon as he did that I was out of the door, I wont even tolerate it, not even once. Physical abuse is never a mistake or an accident, it comes from deep rooted psychological issues in the abuser's mind that means they cannot handle anger and other strong emotions, therefore they lash out at the people closest to them.So are you prepared to stay with someone who is emotionally unstable who could hurt you again? Next time who knows what she might throw at you, it could be something worse like a knife. You are not safe with her, and she needs to seek professional help. Just because you are a man and it was a woman that attacked you doesnt mean you should just accept it, what she did is unforgiveable and you should not be putting up with it because you are putting your life in danger!I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Over a lemon? I dont believe in violence at all, but i mean if you had cheated on her or hit her yourself, then i wouldnt commend her hitting back but id expect her to. But over a lemon? Thats an easy mistake to make. I tell my boyfriend to remember to bring home cheese, he forgets, i say its alright, i dont throw a plate at him and hit him. Are you still with this girl? Because unless she is sincerely sorry for what shes done and has been with you throughh all the operations etc. Then i suggest you end it. And if it is over, then you had a lucky escape!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I'm sure there's a lot of details you left out but I am a firm believer that violence is never the answer, when it has the intention to hurt the other directly or indirectly. I think in this generation, male and female has nothing to do with it.
What she did was violent whether she meant it to hit you or not. I'm sure many of us learned since we were little kids, not to throw stones because they "dont have eyes". Well..guess what it also applies when you are an adult. Plates or glass...well that's a pretty bad choice of objects.
Anyway I'm not gonna be a judge here, coz I think there's stuff left out, maybe you were violent too?? I don't know but what I do know, I had said already.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 She hit you then threw a plate at you, just because you forgot to get a lemon????????? I am shocked - this behaviour is definitely not acceptable.
What will she do to you if you, say forget your anniversary????
I sincerely hope that you are not longer with this girlfriend as she sounds like she could really get out of control.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): :-o that was deff a violent act all over a lemon. She is so lucky to still have you. Thats assault with a deadly weapon where i come from
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