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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and eight months. We've lived together for about two. Early on in the relationship, I knew he had had some one-night stands in previous years, between the ages of 18 and 20. He also told me he had smoked weed on a couple of occasions, which I was OK with, because he never purchased it, and it was a very occasional thing (we're talking three times or so) between the ages of 18 and 21. Today, however, he just told me that one of those times he "smoked," he had actually eated 2/5 of two pans of hash brownies with his friends while they were on a field trip for a project they had in one of their college classes. He proudly stated he was "baked out of his mind." What bothered me most was that he was very happy that he had been and definitely sounded like he was proud of what they did. It made me very angry because he spends so much time doing school work, pulling all-nighters every once in a while before big projects are due, and he says that his school work is so important to him. I just can hardly believe that now!I personally have never smoked weed or done any illegal drugs (I am 23), and I find it frustrating that he doesn't tell the full truth until much later.Am I overreacting with this, or do I have a reason to worry about him? I've never found anything of his that would indicate that he's smoking regularly, but it just worries me that he's so nonchalant about it. Two of my uncles have been jailed for drug possession, so I think this is a big deal.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 you clearly had respect for these uncles which has since crumbled. just beacuse your idea's fell apart before, doesn't mean your man is going to too. its all about levels of intensity.
drinking once in a while is fine, being drunk all day it not. meet in the middle and see things on a line of bahviour where sometime things are extreme and sometimes things are mild.
mild=ok
extreme=cause for concern
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (21 October 2010):
love is about trust and maybe having that trust jeopardised. its a thrill cos its a risk. you are relating negative experiences and lumping them on your boyfriend which is unfair but expected. just chill and if the worst happens move on...
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (21 October 2010):
i think you're judgemental attitude could have a very bad effect on your positive relationship. i used a lot of different drugs and weed just isn't that bad when you see what alcohol/amphetamine's/heroin/cocaine, do to people. chill out as you are going a bit over the top because you dont have personal experience of weed to relate to and put your mind at rest. its a very mild euphoria compared to alcohol (i love both but drink wins hands down. if he loves you then accept it, if you dont want his love look for another excuse followed by another, ad infinitum.
enjoy what you have and make it work. its doesn't sound bad at all...
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A
female
reader, bambiee33  +, writes (21 October 2010):
I understand your point but hey in my opinion him smoking weed is way better then him doing coke, meth , heroin, and ect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): He ate the brownies DURING the trip, with is professor and other professionals in his field there.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Yes, you are overreacting big time. BIG TIME! So what? The dude smoked some pot and ate some hash brownies. Really, how is this the end of the world?
You don't really have a reason to worry. Why would you doubt his school work is important to him? Just because he ate a brownie before a field trip? Come on. My brother is in his final year of his PhD program. He is one of the absolute smartest people I know. He studies very hard and is an excellent teacher. He smokes pot daily. Just because someone does a drug doesn't make them a bad person. It also doesn't mean they don't care about things that are important to them.
Do you ever drink? Have you ever been drunk? Did you know that alcohol is more dangerous to you than smoking weed? It's true, alcohol can kill you because it can shut down your brain stem. Marijuana works on one receptor in your brain. That receptor is the CB1 receptor. It got the "CB" name because "Cannibus" was the only thing they could find that worked on it until about 15-20 years ago they found the natural occuring chemical in your body that was then named Anadamide. It cannot shut down your basic functions. It is also impossible to OD on pot.
I used to be just like you. I lived with blinders on. Drugs were bad because I was told that. I was shown pictures of the lives they destroyed. You've seen a little of that first hand. What I learned after some time is that SOME drugs are very bad, others aren't so bad. Do some research about drugs.
If you've made it this far, there is one more important point. You don't need to accept this in a relationship if you don't want to. It is your choice what ground rules you set in any relationship you're in. I just think that you're overreacting a bit here. Part of why he hid it is likely because he knew you'd freak out like you have. Instead of judging, try being understanding. To quote a fairly well known book, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also found out that he's been hiding cigarettes from me for the past two months, as he just told me about them today when I got mad at him for things stated in my question.
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