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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: M and J are best friends from college who are total opposites. I started dating M nine years ago. My son was 5 when we moved in together. Our relationship was loving but dysfunctional. We could not agree on how to handle my son or our finances. We both agreed to break up, but we continue to live in the same apartment for financial reasons.Two years ago, we moved into the apartment below J. We spend all of our free time together. J purchased a website that he and I started working on it last year when we were both unemployed. M wants no part of it. J and I get along great, but he never wants to work together so that we can finish the project. He gives me 5 minutes here and there when we go outside to have a cigarette, but that's not helpful. He's moved on to having t-shirts designed to sell that will also promote our still unfinished work.I have tried to be patient and not hurt his feelings, but I need a partner to help me finish this. I have few computer skills and I need him to do his job. In frustration, I've considered stepping back and letting him do his own thing and even extended this offer to him both verbally and in writing. He always apologizes for being so busy and promises we'll work, but then something always comes up. When we do get together, I noticed that he really doesn't want to be alone with me and only knocks on my door when he knows M will be there soon. As we are both artistic, sensitive people, I think he probably senses that I have developed a huge crush on him. He's got a magnetic personality and a relaxed way about him that is very attractive. I've been told you can see my thoughts on my face, but I've had the crush for years and I would never act on it without his encouragement. In fact I'm probably my least attractive, least flirty self around him for being so nervous about being found out - stoic even. Besides, I can't be the only woman with a crush that he has to deal with. Also, J knows M and I continue to sleep together in a friends with benefits sort of way. M made sure to tell him because he knows I like J. Do I abandon my work and lose any claim to the t-shirt business?Do I confront J and find out once and for all what is really going on in his head?
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best friend, crush, flirt, friend with benefits, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 No you don't. Plain and simple. You are still sleeping with M friends with benefits or not, you also have a child who whether you realize it or is witnessing these interactions between you and M and J.
M has made it clear he's sleeping with you to J. They are friends, you and both M and J are friends. Your t-shirt business is my god girl the least of your concerns.
Advice #1: You can choose to either stop sleeping with M, risk losing the financial security of having a roommate pay half the bills, tell him you like J and risk losing his friendship and possibly ruining his friendship with J and find out J really doesn't like you (not saying he doesn't) and have that be awkward too.
Advice #2: You try to find a place on your own, be a good mum as I'm sure you are to your son. Leave M and J to do their own business, stay friends with both, and while you aren't sleeping M anymore call J up and hang out with him on your own. You'll know right away if he's interested without M in your life and you being on your own if he wants to take that friendship to the next level.
Advice #3: Forget M & J and go out with C who is just waiting for you to strip yourself of this ugly little messed up situation of the heart (ever seen 3 to tango? singles? 2 guys and girl?) Yep not fun. And discover C is exactly what you wanted and needed your whole life, and stay friends with M & J in the process with nobody not even you getting hurt.
Whatever you choose, think about your options. They call them crushes because the person doing the crushing is usually the person who gets crushed!
Good luck!
~ Abbeymom
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