A
female
age
30-35,
*aySpring
writes:I would like to hear the mens point of view. How did you feel after you cheated? Do you regret it? Why? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): Yes we do and no we don't. It all comes down to the circumstances. I cheated on my previous girlfriend and on the current one. On my previous relationship I actually did not feel guilty about it. The reason is that she cheated on me first and I did it out of revenge. When I cheated on my ex for the first time, I was fully aware of what I was doing as I wanted to get back to her. I continued cheating over and over again throughout the whole relationship. Every time I cheated, it was easier than the previous one. No guilt whatsoever. I was living in a sick relationship full of anger, dependency, and revenge. I did not have a girlfriend for a year. Seven months ago I found a really nice girl. There I go and cheat on her too. I feel guilty about it. The main reason is that my current girlfriend does not deserve what I have done to her. I also feel guilty because I know that I could have had a great relationship with her but I chose not give us that opportunity. No excuses. It is a choice I could have easily avoided. Now I have the choice of walking away from the relationship and not tell her anything. I will hurt her but it will be to a lesser degree than if I actually tell her I cheated and try to get her back. It's a nightmare to go through it and the relationship will never be the same. I am not sure I can deal with that drama all over again. She also does not deserve to be scarred psychologically. The worst form of abuse you can inflict in your partner is cheating on them. I've been on both sides of the table and being cheated on was one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever endured. The last option is to keep it to my self and continue with the relationship. It will never be the same though as I made a choice that has already transformed our relationship. If she ever finds out, I will hurt her in the worst way possible; I did not only deceive her by cheating but continued doing so by hiding it. I now realize that I actually care more about my girlfriend than I originally thought. Otherwise I would not be feeling guilty. I made a huge mistake as I denied us the opportunity of having a trusting and healthy relationship. I also feel guilty because I will hurt her no matter what choice I make with no fault of her own. If I walk away without letting her know, I will hurt her. If I stay, confess, and try to get her back, I will hurt her. If I stay and keep it to myself, I will hurt her. In my opinion every single person that cheats feels guilty because they know deep down that they have denied themselves and their partners the possibility of having a normal and healthy relationship. From the moment you cheat, your choices are either to leave, or go through the nightmare of restoring a relationship that will never be the same whether you confess to it or not. The only thing I can guarantee you is that a relationship that has gone through cheating will be haunted by anger, pain, mistrust, and abuse for a long time if it ever recovers. The cheater and the cheated on will have to deal with it for years.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): Never cheated, been tempted and had opportunities, but never allowed them to progress.Why?Because in my mind I could see my wife's face, the shock, the horror, the pain, the tears, the anguish of making her feel like she was a piece of shit, that after all we'd been through I'd throw her over for a younger piece of ass or a nice pair of breasts.Some people don't care, alcohol and drugs help you not to care at the time but you sober up eventually and reality hits, and this reality sucks (not always - some people just keep drinking more and more to keep their feelings from being there).
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): I didn't feel much initially, but the guilt grew to a point where it was consuming and practically ruined me. I don't truly "regret" it though, because the marriage was over anyway and we are both in a better place now. But I do feel bad, very bad for hurting her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): I've never done it and never could because I know I couldn't live with it.
Even the most cold-hearted players I know regret it every once in a while. But that fades quickly.
It depends on the guys moral values OP, if the guy believes there circumstances where he has a right to do that or like wheresmyluck feels he was pushed into it, then they can justify it pretty easily to themselves and get over any regret pretty quickly. Some guys even take pride in it.
A guy like me would not be able to get over it at all. I don't regret anything in my life because through all the mistakes and all the times I've hurt people, I've never done so intentionally and cheating is always intentional, even if it was only intentional while drunk or for one night, it still was something that you have to want to do.
OP you should have asked this question to women too because everything about cheating applies to them too. So think of your own feelings on the matter and you can apply it to us guys. Don't fall into that trap of thinking guys who cheat must somehow handle it better than women, we're not different in those respects at all.
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (28 July 2011):
I don't think there are many people (men or women) who don't feel bad when they cheat on a partner. The difference is that some people cheat, regret it, and learn from it, whereas some other people; "serial" cheaters can feel bad after doing it, but continue doing it again and again. It comes down to morals and values of an individual. If you know that something is wrong, and you have enough respect for yourself, you're not going to continuously keep doing something like that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): My experience of cheating and that of men I know has always taken place when under the influence. Believe me, when you sober up the next day there are very few worse feelings in the world... Massive guilt, paranoia, self loathing, fear about her finding out and having to lie to make sure she doesn't.
So yes, in the majority of cases we do regret it.
...............................
A
male
reader, wheresmyluck +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I cheated on my ex wife so many times and each time i felt horrible and cover that horrible feeling i never slept with same person more then once. So i always changed partners each time. I know what i did wrong but thats what i have been pushed into..
...............................
|
