A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Was just wondering what is going on with men these days, would be good to have your thoughts on the following?I'm an attractive, intelligent single mum and have found most of the blokes that I come across just see me as a sex object. I don't dress slutty or give the impression of an easy woman. My youngest child is a teenager and my older children are at uni, and I don't have contact with my exes, so that can't be an issue. I also run my own business and am studying at the moment.Do guys see single mums as easy and desperate, just throw a few drinks their way and get lucky?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): I was in a serious relationship with a single mother, I devoted myself and gave her all my love. Whenever she had her child with her I would spend time with her child as well. However she really didn't see me belonging to her life and broke up with me. Two weeks later she was dating somebody else whom she met while being with me. So basically she replaced me and I was only her safe option until she found a "better" deal for her, she never said that to me but her actions tell me plenty. It was pretty heartless what she did to me especially since I was with her for so many times before when she needed me. So in my case yes there are some single moms who can be desperate but there are some women who are as cutthroat and conniving as some men who are seeking easy prey.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I don't know if this is true in your case, but quite a few guys don't want to get into a serious relationship with a woman who has kids because they think the woman will be devoting a lot of her time and energy to the kids. Also, getting married to a single mother with kids typically means taking on responsibility for someone else's children. Thus, in many cases the only men who are left are those who are looking for casual sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): thanks for all your comments.
yes unfortunately we single mums are already stereotyped and not just by guys you meet out and about but also by so called 'male' friends. they'll sleep with you without any strings for sure.
and yes I don't 'put out' for at least 2 months as I am so fed up of guys who think you should sleep with them after a few drinks, just not me. probably far too old and mature for that kind of thing.
for the answer at the top, I know quite a few single mums that manage to go out 2 or 3 times a week, now I'm lucky to get once a week but don't have the energy to get wasted or the need lol.
but thanks for all your comments, just confirms a lot of what i thought too x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Sorry but yeah, a lot do.
Just that traditional "unwed mother is a slut."
Personally I'm far more open minded and was raised by a single mother so I know the deal.
Then again I have dated some single mothers and they were desperate, lonely and promiscuous. To the point where they not datable because of my trust issues.
The thing is though OP, most single mothers just don't have time to raise kids and go out a lot, so the single mothers I know cram as much into their nights out when they do get a chance and that means wasted drunk and getting laid too.
Also OP turn on the news and/or read anything about single mothers and most will be about 15 year old girls, that wear tracksuits from council estates that got hopped up on drugs and got pregnant by their petty criminal criminal mid twenties boyfriend. That's the stereotype you're fighting against.
Also luck, the kind of guys you like, where you meet them etc. all have a role to play too.
I'd really love to think that most guys weren't like that OP but honestly I have feeling there's more than we'd like to believe. From what I hear going around anyway and it's not really helped by the single mothers I do know and have dated. They're single for a reason and they had a kid outside marriage for the same reason. They make shit partners.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): the fact of the matter is that many men see single mothers as temporary partners. many men who want a family are not looking for someone who has already had kids due to the inevitable issues with baby-daddies, and the trust issues that stem from why the woman is single with a child in the first place. is there a reason why her man is no longer with her? was she married, and divorced? is there a lack of commitment in her personality? is she just easy and had a one night stand? all or none of these could be true, but when these doubts are coupled with a personality which is eager to please (as many single moms are), and the sex happens quickly - guys just tend to say - "it will be easier to have a relationship with a woman without the baggage."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Sadly some guys do see single mums as vulnerable prey and a lot of times some of these women are, yes some do appear desperate and lonely too...But mind you, so are some single women, they may also be very vulnerable or feeling lonely and desperate.....You need to fortify youself against these kind of predators and be discerning and selective.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I think some do, I have heard men make these kind of comments over the years, but you know what, how sad of them? It is easy to avoid being treated badly, just don't sleep with them for at least a month or a good few dates. That way you can tell if they are serious or not. A man who is just interested in sex will usually lose interest if you do not 'put out' after a few dates.
Good luck and dont let bad men affect your self esteem; there are loads of good men out there!
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (6 May 2011):
Maybe if you were young, like a teen. But late 30's or 40's, I think it's irrelevant if you've had kids or not.
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