A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend doesnt want me to do anything without him. i like to go to concerts but he says no every time, he will always say that artist is crap, even if i know he likes their songs. and then he says if he doesnt go i cant go without him.he doesnt want me going to parties, clubs, to visit my cousins in another state or ANYTHING without him. the thing is, i invite him to ALL these things and he says no every time!my mentality is within reason, if you invite someone and they dont want to go then you can go without them, obviously not to like a strip club or ex's party or something. but i mean whats wrong with a concert? do couples have to do everything together?the thing is, he will go every winter on 3 or 4 trips to the snow with buddies! but he says this is different! how??
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Well don't mind me, I was just playing devil's advocate a bit.. From what I'm hearing he's brought all this on himself. Good on you for standing up for yourself
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Way to go :)
Now no matter what happens you come out on top. I hope he changes, if not for you then for himself in the future.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the replies, i appreciate all the advice. I only go out drinking like once a month and ill have 3 drinks so its not all the time.We are broken up at the moment and i told him i wont get back together until he accepts i can go out
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Then, he sounds way too controlling. If the control was closer to mutual then that's one thing, but since its all coming from him, that's not fair to you. It seems like you want to be more free than he is letting you be. You still want to party and all that. But I can tell you, if my girl was wanting to go off by herself to parties and concerts I would trust her for a while, but there would be something lingering in the back of my head. A nagging doubt. But, maybe that's just me. I been around the barn. After all is said and done, when alcohol is involved and partying, that is not a situation conducive to monogamy. Lets call a spade a spade, its just true.But you say you invite him to everything so, yeah, he's digging his own hole here by not going with u.. Unless of course, you are one of those that wants to be out 24/7... Then its like, well maybe a guy wants to relax every once in a while, without worrying about being social if he's out with you, or worrying about what you might be doing if he's not.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Your b/f is too selfish, immature and inexperienced in relationships. He has a lot to learn about how to treat a lady .
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 April 2010):
He has taken you for granted and is starting to have an attitude. Either you do what he wants or he threatens to dump you . He is a big bully and probably comes from an abusive family background .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe goes anywhere he wants with his friends. i dont mind, i understand he wants to go out with the boys, it honestly does not phase me. i dont mind that he goes on weekends away for their birthdays or to the snow.
and he NEVER invites me to anything. i ALWAYS invite him
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): I'm curious...what if he was going to concerts, parties, by himself and without you?
Would you approve? If so, then yes you have a point. If you wouldn't, however, then y'all are made for each other.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have been together for 2 and a half years. in the beginning he would come places all the time but says now his idea of an exciting time is staying home watching tv, which i don't mind doing but i would not say its exciting.
he says he doesn't want to be one of those couples who don't do anything together, but he won't come anywhere!
he also says the day i start going alone is when i will go everywhere alone. i don't think there is anything wrong with going places alone, i need independence too.
he says he doesn't want me to make "big decisions" without him, and apparently going to a concert is one of those big life decisions.
he also says he will not go traveling for another 20 years but i want to go in maybe 2 years, should i be able to go without him? i want to go to visit my family in europe.
i was willing to compromise with him like i won't go out every weekend, only special occasions and come home early and not drink but now he has decided that compromise is not enough and he doesn't want a girlfriend who will go without him. i mean, i don't even have to compromise do i?
in reality, i could go out whenever i please and if he doesn't like it then HE would be the one to make the decision to leave, but he makes it like i am the one to make the decision, if i want to be with him then don't go out!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): his controling you...
so before he starts abusing you, u beta
stop all that nuisence....
just do what u want to do without
his permission.....without asking and xplaining..oftenly
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 No. In fact not doing everything together is key to a successful long term relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 April 2010):
He has double standards.That is the mentality of would be abuser . What works for you does not apply to him. There is one law for you and another law for him.
He wants to control you and soon he may control who you can see or who you can talk too .
You are not married yet.When you get married to him , he will control every part of your life .
Put your feet down and don't surrender your rights.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (19 April 2010):
There is no difference. Couples do not have to do everything together. There is some joining of the lives but there has to be that separate component. It sounds like he is just trying to control you. How long have you two been together? I would go out and do what ever you want to do. If you want to go invite him, if he doesn't want to go just leave without him.
This isn't just going to go away so atleast this way you can test if he can change, has the balls to end it or will start coming with you.
If it doens't get better really fast I wouldn't stay with him. Next thing you know you two are getting married and he doesn't want your family at the wedding or you to ever visit them.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
...............................
|
