A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi I have made this huge mistake. It started out less malicious than it sounds, 5 years ago I was playing a game online and wasnt interested in meeting anyone for real, so in order to keep my age to myself and annonymity, I sent a fake pic, Sadly after months of talking to one of the guys that also played the game we started to have feelings for each other but it was too late I had already faked the pictures. I did reveal my age to him after about a year.. which was not a problem, he accepted this without even questioning it (I am older than he by a number of years). At this time I also wanted to tell him about the pictures but for some stupid reason didn't. I could seriously smack myself for this. Due to other circumstances (distance amongst other things) our relationship did wane for almost 3 years, with only periodic email contact, with both of us moving on and having other full time partners, however we did remain in SOME contact at all times. Quite recently we reconnected after all of this time and started to talk on the phone daily again.. the romance was very much rekindled, stronger than ever. I told him the truth about the fake pictures from 5 yrs ago and he freaked (with good reason I may add, I totally regret ever doing that but at the time of sending them wasnt thinking about a future with this guy or anyone else on the internet). He has admitted to still having feelings for me but says he fell in love with someone he doesn't know. I sent him real pictures of me and he actually says he finds the real me attractive regardless.. but still feels duped... I TOTALLY understand why he is feeling this way, however I am SO hoping he will get past it.. and realise that I am still the same person, I am exactly the same person he fell in love with, spent hours talking to and learning about. I DO love this person, very very much and if I lose him because of my own stupid judgement from 5 years ago a part of me will always have huge regrets. As of right now I have not heard from him for 24 hrs. (this all just came about 3 days ago) My stomach is in knots.. I feel like my heart has been ripped out through my throat. I miss him, ache for him and just wish he could love me for me. I think he is going through confusion at his own emotions. He says he isnt sure if he should be angry but most of all he just feels that he doesn't know me. I just wish I could get him to understand that he TOTALLY knows me, more than most people. Everything else about me is still me... I will not contact him though. I think its best if he has time to think about it. I just hope that he can get past his anger over it all and see that I wasnt trying to hurt him or play him, but rather that it started out as a stupid lie that got out of control. I wish I could turn back time. Anyone have any suggestions? advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to everyone for their responses and words of kindness... On this day, a week after I revealed the truth to my guy, things are, I fear pretty much over. He told me that it doesn't matter WHO I am, that who I am is what I look like and therefore he doesn't know me. Basically he feels that since he fell in love with a picture of a stranger, I am a stranger. He refuses to take into account the person inside, all of the long, involved phone conversations, laughter, shared moments.. it seems that maybe I was also wrong about him, I really DID think he deeper than this... I miss him, I still ache, but I will get over it in time and I have certainly learned my lesson about how mindless mistruths can blow up into something much bigger than ever intended. Honesty really IS the best policy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Wow! We all do stupid things at times. And as you said, you weren't looking for a relationship at the time. Your big mistake was not telling him sooner.
I think you are doing the right thing by giving him time to process it all. The good news is he thinks you are attractive.
You will have to try to regain his trust and convince him that you really are the person he has known all along.
I wish you luck! I hope he will give you the opportunity for a second chance!
Britt
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female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 I think you are going in the right direction by giving him time to cool off, and really think about all that has happened. He needs this, as do you. Dont wait too long tho to contact him, if it has only been a day, dont let that drag on for a month because you lose precious moments, and your just left more confused and distraught than ever before.
I will say this.... this situation can either work for you or against you. Lets hope its the former. He could get past his hurt that you deceived him, and come to the realization that you aren't a walking contradiction, but a genuine, great person, the one he has been interacting with for years. Or he might just lose trust and faith in you, your words, and actions, and hold animosity towards you for wasting his time, and leading him on, even if those weren't your true intentions.
Building trust takes time, and when youve finally constructed the foundation, only to find out that there is a crack, that was unnoticed from the very beginning, the structure eventually crumbles and falls.
I wish you the best of luck, if he truly cares about you, and wants to see something serious happen tho, I think he will make the right decision by forgiving you, and moving forward, because at the end of the day we are all human, and sometimes we make very stupid mistakes.
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A
female
reader, sarah10  +, writes (31 May 2009):
hello, the message that you have just posted on here you should email to him. Tell him how you feel and why you did it. If he truly loves you then he will get in touch with you. everyone makes mistakes and no1 is perfect and hopefully he will understand in time. just email him and then give him sometime to himself.
hope this helps you and good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): honesty the best policy. i myself have this experience before. getting a girlfriend through online games. after about 2 years together she finally show me her picture. i wouldn't wanna use the hard word maybe just say her look is below average. thats a reason we broke up.i still have feelings for her when we are ingame.I would say when playing online game we actually fell in love with the character, your voice further enchance it. and i believe guess wouldn't wanna break a girls heart by saying i dont like your look. he might say something sweet then disappear silently.good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Although what you did was dishonest, you did have a good reason to conceal your identity as you don't know who you might come across on the internet. I have experience of an online relationship and we found that having a webcam each helped a lot, making us feel closer and of course answering any doubts as to who you are actually talking to. Maybe suggest a fresh start with one of those each - they don't have to be expensive and can actually be pretty fun! I believe that he does love you for you, but he needs some time to get over the shock perhaps.
Good luck!
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