A
female
age
,
*heshamite
writes:The new man in my life i think is lovely. However he is seperated, and his wife who lives in her own house has found out and it threatening him financially. This has led to a stomach churning time for me thinking that he will want me out of the way to ease things. I adore him. He is not very good a keeping in touch so I am totally paranoid as to what is going on. He says we have to be carefull and I now do not go to his place of work where we have been gossiped about. He is consulting with a solicitor, I cry over all of this, I am not to blame, I have done nothing wrong, I CANT go to his house as his wife still pops round each week. I have lost weight and am worried and very lonely. I have known him only 7 weeks. PLEASE help me
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female
reader, uraqt9697  +, writes (3 June 2008):
The best thing you can do for both him and yourself is to give this relationship the breathing room it deserves. Sometimes we meet people, and things work out very well because the timing is dead on. Other times we meet people, and the timing couldn't be any worse. Because your timing is off as far as the fact that he is in the middle of leaving a relationship in which he is married, I think the absolute best thing you can do for it is be there for him, and respect the fact that you are both going to have to put in alot of effort to make it work. This is a good time to give him some space, and take some time for yourself to assess what your needs, wants and goals are in a relationship. In the end, you will have a better handle on yourself, and he will know that he can trust you to trust him. Im in a similar situation, and I know how hard it can be, but if you can give him some time, and you can still work it out afterwards, then you can truley say it was meant to be, and I think that's more rewarding then anything else.
A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp +, writes (3 June 2008):
 cheshamite,
I'm sure he's very stressed right now. There's no telling what she's saying to him or the threats she's making.
Be sure not to give her anything she can use against him until the divorce is final... which is when? He is really getting a divorce, isn't he?
You can still see each other but keep it simple. No overnight stays and no belongings left behind in the car or house.
You haven't known him very long so you need to calm down and don't let yourself get too emotionally involved just yet. I speak from experience here when I say that I can guarantee that he isn't as emotionally involved as you are at the moment. This has absolutely nothing to do with you personally. He's just got alot of other stuff on his mind right now so you need to slow down. 7 weeks is not long enough to know someone very well.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Uncle Phil has given you great advice on the legal side of things, and I don't have anything to add there.
I just wanted to take a minute to talk about how you're dealing with this. You've only known him 7 weeks, which really isn't a very long time, and you seem to be too enmeshed already if you're losing weight and feeling lonely too. A new man is lovely, fun to date and to get to know, but I think you need to take a little step back and remember that YOU are responsible for your well-being, not him. Make plans with friends and keep busy doing the things you love to do. Give him a little breathing room to sort this out, and things will settle down. Getting too dependent on him right now isn't a good sign for me, so please have a think about why you're feeling so desperate. Clinginess can be very unappealing to someone if you're just getting to know him. Trust me, I speak from experience on this point.
Take care of yourself and make sure you keep yourself busy, healthy and active with friends and family and your favorite things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Having gone through the UK divorce courts a couple of times I can tell you that the only way your relationship with him is going to affect the financial outcome of his divorce is if you move in with him or start having a financial input or any interest in his financial affairs. If he's separated from his wife she has no more say about who he is friends with any more than he has over her private life.
If you live in your house and he lives in his you can't be said to be living together, so keep your clothes out of his closet and vice-versa until his divorce is finalised.
It matters not what she threatens him with - the courts are the deciding factor and in due course she'll have her day in court just the same as he will.
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