A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:So theres this guy who has treated me like shit for about two years yet i have been mad for him., he has always said he only wants sex whereas i have been trying to get him to like me. Anyway, on thursday, he asked if he could come over etc, giving it all " I wanna get to know u " etc. Anyway i believed him and as soon as he came in the door he was all over me, kissing etc and basically making it clear that he wanted one thing. He says he's 18, why should he have a relationship and then started moaning at me asking if I thought this was more than still casual. I said no to keep him happy. I asked him conversational questions and he either didnt answer them or said "I dont know what to tell u" Then things got a bit silly, he begged me to give him a blow job, which i then did. Afterwards he started acting all funny, being more interested in my house, and things in it and generally being nosy, looked at some stuff in my bedroom and then sauid he had to go. his visit lasted about 45 mins.after he left he twxted me saying "we should just be mates" and i asked why? He said "I have decided I dont want to do casual stuff with anyone anymore"! Ie major contradiction with a time space of like ten mins!What is this all about?? Confused, 17.
View related questions:
blow-job, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 What it's all about is that you keep giving in to his requests for sex and that's all he wants. It's all he ever wanted.
Every time you try to "keep him happy" by giving him blowjobs or whatever, you're undermining your own needs (you want a relationship, right?) to his (he wants no strings sex).
I don't think you're doing anything wrong morally, but you're giving terribly mixed signals. You SAY you want a relationship, but when it comes to the crunch, you GIVE him no-strings sex and he walks away. It's a contradiction that ultimately hurts you.
I'll be brief, because Irish has already given you a thorough (and great) answer: This guy isn't interested in you. He won't "like you more" if you continue to give up the booty. He's already convinced himself that you're only there for sex, and each time he comes around, you prove it to him!
Therefore, stop being available for sex. Every time he gets it, you become less and less important to him as a person. You're selling yourself short, as if all you are is your vagina.
The very least that will happen is that he'll stop using you, if you stop letting him. That's what you should be aiming for.
I won't kid you and pretend that if you withhold sex he'll suddenly decides he loves you. It's really extremely unlikely. What will probably happen in fact is that he'll find another girl with low self-esteem to be his semen receptacle. But at least that frees you up to find a guy who actually respects and wants you!
Next time he calls, remember his 45-minute visit. He only wants sex, and you're worth more than that, I'm sure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): What's so confusing about this? He simply got what he wanted from you, hun. You just got 'played' by a master 'player. Sweety, I feel badly for you but at the same time I want you to give your head a shake. What were you thinking? You sound a bit needy and very much like a young woman who wants to be loved and will do 'anything'..even give up her dignity to have it happen. This fellow got his 'blow job' and then has "blew you off" by giving you the heave-ho. This guy is a slimebucket so try to not to be confused, anymore...use your head from now on.
Of course, he has told you that "he wanted to get to know you". He knew you liked him-he took full advantage. Get some self-respect back and build some self-esteem because he's the type of guy who will continue to ignore you except when he has an itch to fill. There are a lot of cads like this out there...learn to recognize them. So understand this...many guys will say nice words when they want to fulfill their own needs.A truly loving man is considerate and thoughtful, not self-centered and hurtful. Start using your smarts, dear and begin judging others by their character and their actions...not by what they say. Like they say...talk is cheap. So you have a couple options here. You can sit there and be confused.....or you can realize that you gave yourself to someone who didn’t value you and put this ass out of your head once and for all.. Make a vow to always uphold yourself and promise yourself better. You deserve more; every woman does.
...............................
|
