A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, please help me find some kind of relief from this. I am beyond stressed right now. About a week ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. I felt it was the best thing for me to do because I had issues with him not being able to commit to me completely. That meaning, he couldn't really see himself getting married or having children...something I have always seen myself doing for as long as I could remember. He also doesn't seem to think enough about making future plans as far as career and financially. I, on the other hand, plan for EVERYTHING. For the last two of the five years, we always argued and I think my anger stemmed from this and I found myself resenting him in a way. We're both 25, am I supposed to be his lifetime girlfriend? Ever since I realized our relationship was going virtually nowhere, I'm sad to admit that I wasn't putting my all in "us" anymore. Before that, he was pretty much my world and that's why this hurts so much. I felt I was being unfair to him, misleading him and making him believe I was still as in love with him as he was in me. He is such a good man, he was sweet and caring and despite a few things that got on my nerves, he was my soulmate. I mean, what couple doesn't have problems? I'm hoping I didn't make a mistake and watching how this hurts him so, breaks my heart to the core:( I need to know if there is anyway we could have got around this? He wants to get back together so bad and he's trying everything, pulling out all the stops to get me to change my mind but I can't. I can't help feeling how I feel and I know if I did go back to him, I'd feel like a prisoner from my dreams once again. Maybe this isn't the best thing to do but I still answer his calls and just today, he asked if he could come see me. We've already went through the exchange of each other's belongings so I already know why he wants to come over. I was hesitant with my answer and told him I'd let him know. What do you think I should say? I'm sorry this is so long but the Agony Aunts and Uncles at DearCupid have always helped me a great deal before and it also helps that I'm typing this to vent. Thanks in advance for all who respond.
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male
reader, tux +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Don't look at this as you throwing 5 years away.. Think of it as gaining the life ahead of yourself. You want to be married and have children, and all he wants is a lifetime girlfriend with no strings or children... Live that for 50 years and you'll regret it and feel that you threw away 50 years instead of just the 5.. Remember you are still 25 and still have plenty of chances ahead of you and remember you don't even need to be with your soulmate for 5 years either before you get married and start planning a family..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I did something similar. He found someone else shortly later and then got his act together. Its taken a long time to get over it, years. How would you feel if he finds someone else to be with and you don't have the option of getting him back? If you'd be happy for him, then you have made the right decision. If you'd suddendly want him back...
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