A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy two weeks ago. Our first date went on for 5 hours, the second for more than 10, the third date we went for a drive and hung out, and the fourth we had dinner at his place and watched movies. We gradually got closer physically and the most it ever went to was kissing and cuddling on the 4th date. I could tell he was really attracted to me by the way he kissed me but he never tried anything inappropriate or went too far...I was always in control and he always stopped when I did.When he dropped me off home after the 4th date he wanted to see me again the next night. I had a seminar to attend to after work and so suggested another time, and he agreed to do something this weekend. I messaged him yesterday to say thanks for the dinner and to ask how his day was, etc but he hasn't replied to me at all. Before this, he'd be the one messaging after dated thanking me for a nice time.I guess he's lost interest but I can't figure out why. I want to call him and ask but I've already messaged so I don't see why I should be calling. If he hasn't replied by now (it's been a day now)...something's obvioulsy wrong.Could he have just wanted to sleep with me? He never tried anything though and the last time I saw him everything was completely normal and we were making plans to get together in a few days.
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male
reader, malum424  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 I totally agree with Syfer Fire on this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): Ok, you actually do run the risk of him losing interest now. In your mind its, well he has to put in effort to get THIS. In his mind you are a mystery. And that is frustrating, sitting all day trying to figure out a girl. Nothing is more annoying than that. lol. Some guys won't bother with the guessing, they'll just attach a label to you "She plays too many games" and they will bounce.
Lets put it together: He has shown that he will NOT overstep any boundaries you set. So if he calls you up, even drunk, asking to "hang out", even if he wants sex with you (and duh, if we are dating a chick, we want sex with them at some point), that doesn't mean you couldn't have just gone over there and hung out. Because it has been proven that he respects your wishes, no? Saying no to hanging out w/ him at this juncture indicates disinterest on YOUR part to the typical non-psychic male.
And nothing makes a self-respecting guy lose interest more than if he thinks the girl isn't interested in him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys...i did get a text from him and when i did reply later in the evening he seemed to be a bit drunk and wanted me to come over to 'hang out'
i said no as it seemed he only wanted a booty call. the way i see it is if he wants more than that he'll have to put in more effort
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 It has only been a day so relax, maybe he has been under a lot of pressure or perhaps he mobile is not working.. it did sound like he was keen on you though...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): First off don't freak out over one day. That's a bit unreasonable Y'all be doing that "delayed response" business to us guys allll the time.
secondly, this:
"he never tried anything inappropriate or went too far...I was always in control and he always stopped when I did."
Well of course, he sounds like a gentleman. But perhaps he WANTED to go further and just interpreted your nonverbal cues of reluctance and stopped. This could have made him not quite so rabid about you, but it doesn't by any means mean that he has given up on you either. In fact, he might respect you more for it. Yes you can call him, saying you are not sure if your text got through. Some texts do get lost, after all.
But overall,, chillll
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): lol relax its only been a day, call him and see how he is
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A
male
reader, malum424 +, writes (30 April 2009):
It may have been that he just want to sleep with you but I don't think that's it and trust me I'm a guy and I can tell you for a fact that if he didn't try anything by the third date he really wasn't after your lady bits.I think you should try calling him one more time maybe he didn't get you message.
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