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Despite his words, boyfriend leaves me feeling sad and neglected

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *exima writes:

I've been in this relationship for almost 4 months now. During the first 3 months everything was great, he was very attentive to my needs, never really misses my calls, gives me sweet messages all the time during the day, etc, you know the drill. But recently he starts acting real distant, he misses my calls a lot and would act like nothing’s happened or wouldn’t even ask if I’m ok, as when he misses his friend’s calls he would almost text them back immediately afterwards. All the good-morning and good-night texts have stopped too. He is also wanting s*x a lot less, he IS on some anti-depressant meds but now I’m lucky to get it once a week. And since we live separately I still have to go home at night, before he would seem sad that I had to leave but now he's giving this vibe that he can't wait to walk me out and for me leave and! He would still cuddle with me and tell me that he loves me when we are spending time together, but you know the saying actions speak louder than words, what he does just leaves me feeling neglected and unwanted despise what he says. I don’t think there is cheating involved cuz we’re basically spending everyday together. Is it just that we’re spending way too much time together and he’s getting bored? Am I being too needy asking for his attention and that's why he's pulling away? Or is he just getting too comfortable in this relationship and start showing his true self? But honest to God I normally refrain myself from texting and bugging him whenever we're not together. I was suspicious that maybe he’s falling out of love and wouldn’t tell me, but he denied it when I asked him. Is talking about it with him a good idea? Help please I don't know what to do to get him back...

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A female reader, rexima United States +, writes (14 April 2011):

rexima is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi I'm the original poster. I guess a little more details could help, I DO feel like we're seeing way too much of each other... in my defense though, the days that I went without seeing him, he actually got anxious and a little mad saying that I didn't want to see him instead of enjoying the space. So the problem is now that I try not to upset him and to see him everyday, he is actually pulling away. But when I asked, he still said that he wants to see me everyday, he is also very sensitive so that's why I don't know how to handle the situation. And I DO know and care about his disorder, he has bipolar ever since we started dating and I'm willing to work with that because he is worth it. I know what med he is taking and also what it does to him. He has been on the same meds for years but he did have a lot more affection towards me at the beginning of the relationship, that's the only reason I'm worried. Thanks for the advices though, guess I can just tell him we both need some space and hope he doesn't get upset?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

You're WAY too needy. Give the man some space!

Ever been cooped up inside during a bout of bad weather? Ever notice how everyone gets a little edgy with one another? It's not because we don't love the one's we're with, it's just human nature to get bored with the same people/things constantly - that's why solitary confinement is almost like torture.

I'm not suggesting he's cheating and wants someone else, but give each other some space. You know the saying - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (14 April 2011):

Miamine agony auntHe's on anti-depressant medication... I think your priorities wrong. The man is ill and your worried about yourself and your needs. Why don't you spend a little time thinking about what he may need. Why don't you spend a little time on finding out about his sickness and the problems he has that you may not see.

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A male reader, RamAndJam United States +, writes (14 April 2011):

you two are spending way to much time together. you dont want to feel as if your married quite yet. at most 3 times a week you should see each other and once at minimum in my opinion. doing this will build up suspense and make him anxious to see you. as far as the sex goes, meds do alot to a mans sex drive and ability. before i went overseas my doctor gave me anti-depresents for a "test" and i could hardly even get an erection. he may have the same issue(s) and be a wee bit embarassed.

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