A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need a little help with my marrige. Im in Iraq right now and i have been deployed for 10 month. I call my wife last sunday and she tells me she loves me but is no longer in love with me. This came out of the blue and i have no idea where i stand in my own life anymore. Before i left for the war she always took pride the the strenght of our Marriage and love that we would make it thourgh, and i agreed 100 percent. we have 2 children 8 and 3 and have been married for 9 years. She told me she feels this way because i gave her nothing to stay connected too. I email her everyday and call once a week and i though everything was fine. Well since this happened i havent been able to talk to her about it any further yet, but she acts like everything is normal and fine and maybe it is on her end if she has already moved on, but i am all messed up over this. I have sacrificed everything in my life for her and my family and i dont know what to do now or how to go forward. I dont know what to say or if i even want the honest answers it is so frustating. plz and help anyone may have to help me understant this would be great. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Call me a bastard, but ask her to make up her mind. Did she fall out of love, yet she wants you to call her and still is "100%" committed to the marriage? I think you should be sure, and she should, too. I'm sorry to repeat this, but YOU CAN'T DECIDE WHEN YOU WILL GO BACK HOME. So, her reason for this mess CAN'T go away. She knew you were in the army when she married you. Or, she knew that the moment you joined the Army.
I would be very angry at a woman telling me that she doesn't love me anymore while I'm at the battlefront. But, you know better, poster; this is your life, your wife, and your kids.
Wish you the best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): Well i just talked to her on the phone and she still holds to the fact that she is also confused in her feeling. The reason she gave for falling out of love with me was being so disconnected from me for so long. she agreed and said she dont want space she want me to call her more. She also said that she was still 100% committed to our Marriage and that it is something we can still work on. I dont really understand what that means sitting as that huband that is no longer loved and 10,000 miles away and i hope it is not giving me false hope. we were so in love when i left she is the only woman i have ever loved. This is suck a hard pill to swallow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): I still think shes just emotional and is trying to deal with missing you. I would see what was up once you get back home... Dont jump the gun as holding a military relationship together is very hard for both you and her. Have some faith and I really hope things work out for you and your family!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 May 2009):
Call me an extremist, but I agree with Stars20. From my point of view, there's no use in trying to hold onto someone who does not want you there in the first place. So, my honest and heart-felt opinion is that you should move on. Call her, by all means, but to arrange the details of the separation. Make sure you agree on who will have the kids, how they will be looked after, et cetera. If she wants it over, then make it easy to be over.
You're not exactly in a situation where this kind of concerns helps. And there is nothing you can do to fill her void, if she has any, because in the military you have to obey and stay where you are, period. You are not allowed to go back just because your wife is feeling lonely, and she knows it.
I say, end it with dignity and move on. Your kids, that's another matter: call them and keep in touch with them.
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A
female
reader, Stars20 +, writes (20 May 2009):
 wow, first of all let me tell you that life goes on. Second, let me thank you for serving our country. I can bet that you are not the only veteran that is going through this. Heck! everyone goes through break ups. In this case, you need to give your wife time to think. Meanwhile, you should also. Being that she already gave you this information, you should start looking ahead and planning on your own. I understand that breaking a marriage with children is not easy. It happened to me when my ex husband decided to change his mind one day and walk out my life. It ended in a divorce. What did i learn from being with a person who fell out of love with me? That I cannot change him. It didn't matter what I did to keep him, to make him change, to maintain whatever was left in my marriage, I wasn't able to keep him in my life. Instead,trying to fight to keep a marriage, my life became a tragedy. One day, I decided to let go with a painful heart. Now, I am not struggling anymore. I see that life without a person who fell out love with me is so much BETTER. I can breathe with ease, I pamper and care for myself, there is no one making me feel down or like an "unworthy" person because he was incapable of loving me. I love myself now, it's all about me! and it feels great! I can enjoy my son now, better than I did before. What's the moral of my story? LIFE GOES ON, it doesn't end when someone else saids so. I bet you are a good looking guy, with a great background, serving our country, what more honor than that? Guess what? It's her loss not yours. Have you ever tried to hold on to a wet bar of soap? I mean hold a tight grip within your hands, it will slip out in a leap and fall to the ground....and that's what happens in relationships. When a person wants to quit, and has her/his mind set on it, it doesn't matter how hard you try to hold on to that person, he/she might feel pressured, and eventually walk out. You already listened to your wife's concerns, now give her time to think. Give her enough time and prepare yourself emotionally, psychologically and legally. By the time you get to the final decision you are strong and able to carry it out. Remember, LIFE GOES ON!
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A
female
reader, terripatt  +, writes (20 May 2009):
I totally understand what your going through. I was left for over a year due to my mans military training along with many deployments after that... We resent you in a way for leaving us.. Its a very hard life to live being left home alone to care for two children. As women we are emotional beings. We need attention and hugs and reassurance, support. Not saying women arent strong and cant make do on their own.. It just gets LONELY. Maybe your wife has just had enough of this life, and maybe she said it out of frustration and doesnt really mean it. After a person has been gone for so many months we get into our own routine at home and it is for sure a Double Life. If shes fallen for someone else its because she needs a void filled and is not strong enough to hold on. You both have alot to talk about when you get back home safely! Try not to stir the pot too much because neither of you need any more stress added to two already very stressful situations.
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