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female
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anonymous
writes: Im in a right pickle. Im having a baby in a few weeks and the baby's dad left me as soon as he knew I was pregnant, telling me to get rid of it. I was sure things would be ok, that id manage on my own, but now he has started saying he wants to see the baby when its born and that he will love it. The problem is that I still love the man and much as Ive tried to get him out of my head I just cant; when he sends me messages I cry because I cant stand the thought of him with someone else, which is what has happened now. I know that if he sees the baby that he will be having to see me at the same time and I cant face the idea of that happening and then watching him leave and go off back to his cosy lovenest with his new woman. Its got to the stage now where Im contemplating adoption because I cant bear the guilt of bringing the baby up as a single parent, or cope with the emotional upheaval of continuosly seeing this man whom I love so much and not being able to touch him as he now belongs to another woman. What on earth can i do?????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (8 April 2006):
 You really neeed support from your family and friends here it is going ton be a tough for you any way good luck
A
female
reader, x.BrokenxHearts.x  +, writes (8 April 2006):
 Hey well I hate the idea of adoption and abortion. I really think when you give birth and see the baby that you will realise you dont want to give it up. A baby isnt supposed to be a burden its supposed to bring joy and have you considered what you might do if in around 18 years time your son/daughter turns up at your door asking aload of questions as to why you gave him/her up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2006): You are all mixed up at the moment. He left saying he wanted you to get rid of the baby then says he will love it and wants to see it bla bla. The baby is not even here yet so you don’t know what he will do, but the most important thing here is YOU. What do you WANT do you want this baby as it is a lifetime’s work? Sometimes not easy but achievable and very rewarding if you give it your All. There are LOADS of single parents out there and if they can do it so can you. I bet when you see and hold your baby for the first time you will wonder what you were ever thinking.What you should do is seek friends and family. They will support you put the ex on the back burner, as when he makes his mind up you will have the baby giving baby ALL your love and Attention. And for the first 6 months if he does wish to see baby he will have to arrange visits. You don't have to see him, plus he might be with g/f now but she has no say in this. It has got to be between you and him. So cheer up. You will soon have a lovely baby to look after. I wish you well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006): you must consider your options carefully. My brother was adopted and it hurts just thinking that i may never see him again, wondering where he lives and if hes being cared for. You may never know if your child knows about you or their adoption as the adoptive parents dont have to tell him or her. Adoption ruins lives and plays with peoples emotions so please just think very carefully =]x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006): Putting your baby up for adoption may seem like the easiest option at the moment but you could go on to regret it for the rest of your life. When you do finally get over this man, which you will, you would really regret giving up your baby just because of him. If you can't bear seeing this man again, tell him to leave you and your baby alone.
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female
reader, jumbled +, writes (7 April 2006):
i think u shouldnt get rid of the baby im only 18 and going throw the same i hate the idea of being on my own i love my ex but him and my best mate are happy and he is trying to get my baby he says he want to see her when she is born and him and his gf thinks they will be lookin after her but wat im going to do is get a court order against her and only let him see the baby with supervision and then im hopin she wil get sick of him comin round mine and finish with him and then ill be there to confort him he will be mine again and ill have full control over him. my family say all men run scared but if u want something or if its ment to be make it happens or it will happen in time i know how it feels to be hurt an awke up without him by ur side and u feel u cant bring a baby up well go out there with ur head in the air and show him ur not bothered and u can do it he will soon be back knocking ur door i trust my parents there always right about my bf's please try an be brave cause its not the babys fault this has happened the baby will proberely bring u back togehter
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (7 April 2006):
 Hey honey, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it must be really hard to deal with and I sympathise...
I don't think you should consider adoption just to get yourself out of this situation because once you do that there's no going back and you will probably feel agony for your baby.... I've had an abortion before, I know its not the same, but I still feel agony for the baby I never had!
You must also take into consideration that you are heavily pregnant, therefore your hormones are going to be raging, you will be upset and you will be uncertain, the smallest thing that anyone will do could upset you or make you happy! I know you've probably heard it all before and its easier said than done, but yourself and your hormones a chance to settle down. You may feel completely different after you've had the baby. Once your hormones are back to normal you may be able to control or deal with your feelings more effectively.
I know that it will be a very difficult time for you and it must really hurt having to not only know that the man you love is with someone else, but you still have to have him in your life!!! But I beleive that if you take your time and do tackle one thing at a time you will eventually get there in the end. Everyone is going to tell you that if you give yourself time you will be ok, and it seems to painful right now, but you need to be strong and you need to keep on trying! Don't give up because you will kick yourself for it later!!
First of all concentrate on having a healthy baby and becoming a mum. Try to push this bloke to the back of your head! I know that sounds impossible but try not to let yourself dwell on it, when yuo find yourself dwelling force yourself to concentrate on soemthing else! When you've had the baby and settled into mother hood, then think about what is your next challenge and concentrate on sorting that out and so on... This is the way life is lived! When you feel really low, I beleive its the best way forward!
Let us all know how you get on, Lots of hugs from Sexybum xxxx
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (7 April 2006):
 You are definately in a pickle. That guy has been a jerk and right now he doesn't deserve to be called the baby's dad. He's just a guy that donated his seed. By no mean do I believe you need to have him around during birth or in the few weeks following, though depending on laws where you are at he will most likely be entitled to visitation rights but I am not sure how that'll work with the laws where you live.
But what you want to do from here is your own choice. You can keep the baby or offer it for adoption. I cant say which way you should go. But I will say that it's time for you to move on either way with your love. The guy who got you pregnant does not deserve it. take care and good luck.
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