A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to this girl who I've been in love with. The day before she said 'yes' she was making love to the guy she calls her ex. I came to know this only after I got engaged. That too not from the girl(but it appears she wants to tell me something but is unable to). Her so-called ex is broken hearted and so am I(but I am pretending as nothing happened - I cry when I am alone).I am devastated. I can talk to no one. All my family and friends are rejoicing the moment. I have never seen either mine or her parents and friends so happy. This is the irony - the deceit - the pain.Everybody is congratulating me, but I am as lonely as a desert. Whenever I think of breaking the engagement, I can see the faces of our parents in front of me. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I think you should talk to your parents and break the engagement.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I'm the one who asked the question -
Thanks people for all the good advice.
Some more points: I proposed her in June, and she said she needs time to think, after which we met at least once a fortnight on average. (At this time(June), she'd told me she has no one in her life, and only then I asked her to consider 'our' lives together.)
After a lot of pondering, after six months, she said yes. And in a month's time after that, we got engaged. After two days, I got to know she'd slept with her ex about a week before she said yes to me.
But, this was the time she was thinking about 'us'! This is so unfortunate, so unfair - I love her so much!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 What was the relationship before the engagement, on the day she had sex with her ex?
Were the two of you "dating exclusively" or something else?
What you need to consider is that the engagement is irrelevant. She had sex BEFORE you proposed not afterwards.
So what matters is, what was the relationship status at the moment she had sex with someone else. I would presume for most couples a proposal would be preceded by a period of exclusive dating but that might not be your case.
So was she free in that period to have relations with someone else? Did the two you agree to be faithful to each other when she had sex with her ex?
I can imagine this must hurt a lot, but I can also imagine a situation that she did not know that you were this serious about her, had sex with her ex and you just happened to propose the next day. If you two weren't in a monogamous relation before the proposal then she has done nothing wrong.
Imagine this: You have been thinking of asking a girl out, she doesn't know yet you are thinking of doing so and thinks of you as just a friend. Then you ask her out and she agrees but then you find out that the day before she went on a date with someone else. Has she then done anything wrong? No.
So forget the engagement, did she cheat on whatever you two had BEFORE the engagement.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Be a man and dont get too emotional the happy faces you are seeing now will not be as happy when they see you suffer. The celebrations will be over shortly what will happen after that. Marriage is a long term commitment do not get into it with someone who can do this and still keep a straight face.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): ummm, I'd break up the engagement. Totally unfaithful.
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