A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've got a confused boyfriend...the last 2 weeks hes been distant with me and today was the icing on the cake, ive tried to be patient but in the end i had to cut to the point and tell him hes been distancing himself and if he wants to end things he should just tell me. He replied with hes sorry for being distant and its his fault, he should speak to me about it but when hes not sure how he feels himself then how can he tell someone else. When i asked if it was us he wasnt sure of or something else, he replied with "i dont know...both"I then text saying i was really confused now and could we meet up to have a chat, he thinks its pointless to do this as he doesnt know how he feels. Ive told him ill leave him alone which i will do but how long do i leave things for? A week, over the weekend? I'm conscious that im being dangled on a string
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Im sorry, but it is time to cut your losses. If the guy doesn't know that is the exact opposite of knowing. And he should know whether or not he wants to be with you. As he doesn't know... he's not committed to the relationship and is just dangling along for whatever purpose. You're getting strung along with it. Who wants to live with such an uncertainty? I know it's hard, but there are only two options here: either he convinces you that he wants you, and wants a relationship with you, or you dump him.
This is not the time to give him alone time. This is the time for him to straighten up his act and make up for what he's already put you through, making you unsure about the relationship. So what if he comes back after a week or whatever from "alone-time" and decides that he does want you? It'll be too late then, because in this period of time you will have gone around thinking that he doesn't know if he wants you, he's too unsure about his feelings and whatever goes on in his life, and it is too much of an emotional risk for you to take. So even if he does come back and tells you he wants you, by then you will have become so unsure yourself, and so afraid and full of doubt, you might not even believe him. And at the back of your mind you will think "what happens next time he gets distant, will he leave me then, does he truly want to be with me after all" etc.
No, don't give him time to think. Demand a clear answer on where you stand in this relationship. If he needs time to think about other things in life then fine, he can do so. But when it comes to you and him together, he must know. If he doesn't, then the relationship is over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): i have the same problem with my girlfriend and all i get is "Im not being distant" or no reply when i try to talk about it. The only time things changed for me was when i put my dont down and said to her that were talking about this once and for all. When we finally talked it helped and things went more normal quite quickly. You both need to talk honestly. Be bluntly honest. For me it was the only way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): be careful - he might be cheating on you hence becoming distant and unwilling to say why.
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