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Confused about where the friendship is headed

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Question - (7 May 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 7 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey :) Please can you read this an honestly tell me. If you saw this happening what would you think is going on?

I'd like other peoples’ opinions on what could be going on or what’s up with him before I even attempt to talk to him!

Ok he’s in my class. When I first started that course a year and a half ago we got on fine, just like normal friends, we hung around together loads and tbh I actually thought he liked me. Then stuff got weird. I don’t know what happened but this girl in our class seemed to be not teasing him but just winding him up a bit about me I don’t know why. After that she turned everyone against me in the group. Now throughout this we were not the same at all but we still stayed friends. Then that got sorted everything was fine, then something happened. This same girl spread a nasty rumour around saying I was obsessed with him. I mean cummon where the hell did se get that from!! Anyway that lead to me n him talking about it and sorting stuff out. I made it clear it wasn’t true and he said people are stirring stuff and it needs to stop but he really likes me as a m8, he loves me as a m8 and that he promises we’d be good friends.

Now this is the funny bit...the way he acts....

One minute he’s fine, the next he’s not, one minute we don’t talk at all and the next we’re like best m8s. I don’t understand

Example:

Normally at college we don’t talk much. He can walk in say hello n then when I try and talk to him I just get one word answers or he just doesn’t seem all that bothered about talking to me, when I say something funny he doesn’t laugh but if it was someone else he would do, he doesn’t text me back (ok he doesn’t do that to a lot of people if he cant be bothered), if I talk to him he will always answer me but tbh sometimes I just think he doesn’t want me there. Like today we were just sat in the library with someone else and when they went to get their work checked he didn't even say two words to me he just sat there, if that had been someone else he would have done.

Also he can mess around and talk to everyone normally but me!

Then the next minute he can just walk in one day n suddenly start talking to me. This is the thing a part of me thinks it’s because of the others but if we’re talking, just a few of us at break he can be talking to everyone there in general and then suddenly talk to me for a very short while. Also he seems to have this thing (although this bit may be in my head) but last year as well he wouldn’t seem to sit next to me at break...weird yet we sit together every lesson and once when I wasn’t in a lesson he moved to sit with someone else but he always come back to sit with me, yet we still don’t talk much. This is the thing I think if we can’t seem to talk why does he wanna sit with me? tbh though I’m so glad he does!

Yet when we go to these gigs we go to, he’s a lot different, he’s not loads better, sometimes he is, but sometimes we like best friends but then other times its like college but he does attempt to talk to me.

Yet if ever I say do you fancy going bowling if he can he will come.

And yes you’ve guessed it we still don’t talk a hell of a lot. We do seem to have a problem with talking to each other. I don’t see why because we have stuff in common and he just rambles on about random stuff to people at college and stuff yet he can’t to me, its the same with messing around with me.

Thing is we're leaving college very soon and this needs sorting. A part of me feels like I’ll never see him properly again and he wont make shte effort to want to see me or talk to me, yet, now this is weird....when I was away for one day o college, in fact we only had the one lesson that day but when I wasn’t there he missed me (he didn’t tell me in person but I’ve seen the convo he had with a m8)

Sometimes its also like if I talk to him first then he'll carry it on but it soon goes dead.

I’m not sure what’s going on or what he wants, he’s one of my best friends, he’s the nicest lad you'll EVER truly meet I just don’t wanna lose him when we leave. Sometime I think does he just find me boring but I cant see why its just something weird and he’s forever changing most of the time it depends where we are and who’s there but others it just like suddenly out of the blue he'll talk to me normally and have a laugh at college. I don’t understand! =(

View related questions: best friend, teasing, text

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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009):

Hey :)

I'm going through a similar situation myself. A guy friend (who was already aware i had feelings for him) was told by 'someone' that i stalk him and was obsessed with him etc. This wasn't true but i havent found the right time to bring it up yet, i'm worried that i've left it too late to sort things out with him. However, I can definately relate to the way this guy is behaving around you; one minute he can be all chatty and then next minute, he barely say two words to you. And it appears he says less to me when we're sat next to each other during class, there's alot of tension there aswell and neither of us feel comfortable around each other. I wonder what goes on in their heads? Guys like these are so hard to understand.

I think you should talk to this friend of yours, ask him why he's being like this, then whatever the issue is, work on it between you - make this friendship work!

Good luck! x

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