A
male
age
51-59,
*eff Hutchins
writes:I work with a woman who is married, but am confused about how she feels about me. This woman always wants to work with me, has baked lasagna for me, and even had a hand in having my office moved next to hers. We went for coffee a few times during work hours, and she told people in the office that we were "going on a date." (Not sure if she was kidding). This women left my place of work three months ago, but still contacts me. I try and put distance between us, but she never let's too much time pass before contacting me. We recently met for lunch. This woman sometimes looks at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. She talks about her husband, but mostly to say that he travels a lot and is never around. I sense that she is bitter, but am not sure what she wants from me or if she has feelings for me. Advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Thanks to everyone for their answers and advice. I think you are all correct. I need to firmly put distance between myself and this woman. I also need to be more respectful of her husband, whom I don't know. In fact, meeting this woman for lunch now that we no longer work together has felt like the wrong thing to do. My instincts have been telling me I'm heading down the wrong path. I guess it's time to listen to my gut. Thanks again -- Jeff
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (11 October 2008):
 You didn't try hard enough to put distance between the two of you. You went out for lunch, that is not distance. You know what she wants. She needs to focus on her marriage. People like people who make them feel good. You're flattered by her attention. That's normal. She is married though and that's wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): Hi Jeff,"I have to admit that I think I've developed feelings for this woman. At the very least I've gotten used to her attention."This is really interesting what you have said here. Are you saying (or is this a bit of a leap on my part?) that you have really developed feelings towards this woman because she has bestowed her attentions upon you?I hope there are women out there who will develop feelings towards me if I pay them a few compliments! All the internet attraction gurus will say that attraction cannot be created - it's either there or it isn't and that compliments change nothing. So perhaps you find her flattery/attentions addictive - to the point that you're willing to sleep with her to have some more bestowed upon you! Good luck, fine Sir. Yours, Fifthquadrant.
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (10 October 2008):
 In that case, go away before you would develope stronger and stronger feelings to her. It wouldn't be good idea to be around her. Your life can become more and more complicated, besides that it's not fair to her husband too. So stop before it's too late. I guess your feelings for her are not so strong, so cutting contact wouldn't be so hard for you.
best wishes
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl +, writes (10 October 2008):
Hey, I know you're feeling uncomfortable about this situation. Are you sure she doesn't want to be only your close friend? If you're not, think about that a bit. This is one of chances. But probably she wants to have affair with you. Obviously she's loneley, because her husband is everywhere but with her. Ask her how she feels about you. Try to be honest and make her to be honest with you too. Tell her you're confused about her feelings to you. Don't feel uncomfortable about it, at least you would know what kind of intentions has she with you.
I sense you don't want to have relationship with her. So tell her that but on a nice way. Perhaps she's confused about your behaviour too, because woman in love might think you like her. I hope not, but you never know. It's very important to be obvious about your feelings.
As i said, I think you have to talk with her honestly and find out what she feels. And tell her what you feel, that you don't want to be with married woman. But even if she's not your type at all, don't say her that, because it can be painful to hear this words from a man you're having crush on.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Thanks for your answer. However, I have to admit that I think I've developed feelings for this woman. At the very least I've gotten used to her attention. But I have not doen anything becuase she is married. What now?
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A
male
reader, IRDave  +, writes (10 October 2008):
 Sounds like she is fishing for you, setting out a line with bait on but still trying to keep her distance so as not to incriminate herself by making any definite decisions.
From what you have said it seems she really does have feelings for you.
Sounds like she is waiting for you to make a move, if you don't then eventually she might.
My advice is to clearly show that you have no interest whatsoever, bluntly if need be, as it sounds like she is not getting the message clear enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Well I dont think the woman may have feelings for you in that way, sounds like maybe shes lonely and needs a friend. Well she says her husband is gone alot, that may be the reason.
Maybe you should confront her and ask her if she has feelings for you. And tell her is not like that for you. That you only feel for her as a friend. Then maybe after that it wont feel uncomfortable for you.
C-
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A
female
reader, Shingi  +, writes (10 October 2008):
Do you like her?? If no, then why do yo care -what she feels for you?? distance yourself, and if you "want it" you can do it. I wonder how can she contact you when you don't want to be contacted. Firmly ignore her!!!
Probably as her husband is away, she wants an affair with you and thats what she's insinuating. So its your call- you want to be with her( I guess its majorly SEX) or no.I guess you would have an equally good chance with other single women, why to get into a mess---
Another thing never ever get involved with somebody out of pity or sympathy.
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