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Casual sex, is it just a phase?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 August 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

In the last 3 months i've slept with 16 men and there's no true sign of my sex life slowing any. Lately i've been sleeping with guys, taking names, and sending them on their way. I dont want a relationship and love disgusts me (i used to love love) plus I cant stand one person for more than two days or outside of the bedroom. Sex is becoming a release for me. Its gotten so bad that i've had sex with three different men in the same day (two were at the same time). TODAY I had a threesome with two more guys and tomorrow i'll probably want more. It feels like some place i took a wrong turn and became this sex hungry person that never gets enough with no feelings. I feel like I may have a serious problem. Maybe even an addiction. But friends of mine say sexual interest and acting out fantasies is a normal phase when you're in your 20s (im exactly 20). Is that true? and if so, are my actions normal for this phase? Or could it very well be an addiction?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Its seems to me like your using sex to numb some other kind of pain in your life.

Maybe you fell in love and got hurt..? and this is how you 'forget'..?

It is also a possibility that you are suffering from a very low self-esteem, (i have a friend who does the same thing) could it be that you are using these sexual encounters to reassure yourself that you are sexy and desireable..?

I think you need to spend abit more time working on yourself, You are putting yourself under many health risks, is it really worth dying at the age of 30 from HIV..

Do other things, spend time with friends, go to the movies, just pamper yourself. Most importantly learn to LOVE yourself. until you learn to love yourself you arent going to respect yourself.

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A male reader, Cloverfield United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2010):

Cloverfield agony auntSo........ who was the guy that broke your heart? approx 3-4mths ago.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

i had the same addiction but it was only upto cybersex, i dont know how but it became a habit.. i was 20 too then, so i guess its kinda normal, but u can have diseases, ppl will start calling you a slut..so its not the same.. once you start you always want it i guess.. i regret doing watever i did even though it wasnt real.. now im 22, and i want to be in a committed relationship, i dont want to fool around, nothing.. i want to be loved and to love.. so i guess with time you'll get over it too.. but slow down.. the fact that you think you may have a problem says that you probably think it is.. and it probably is.. if it wasnt you wouldnt be asking.. i used to do it for release as well, so try and fix that up first.. watever reason you are seeking the release for try and find a friend and talk to him/her about it.. i had the same problem.. i talked about the emotional baggage and slowly i felt better.. good luck

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (10 August 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI get the feeling that you are not comfortable with your current lifestyle. The definition of an addiction is feeling compelled to do something that you feel is destructive to your life. If I am reading you right, and you do not like the way your life is going, then you should seek help. Addiction recovery, or a qualified counselor would be the right place to start.

On a side note you seem to have a contempt of men, and use them strictly for your own pleasure. Aside from the physical health risks, this is not good for the spirit. (I'm interpreting your disgust with love as a contempt for men based on your actions. I could be wrong) It would be helpful to go back to this change of attitude in your life and see what triggered it.

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Well do you enjoy it?? Or do you feel empty during and afterwards? Who is getting more out of it, you or the random men?

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