A
female
age
30-35,
*inkbunni3xz
writes:I have a boyfriend for 5 months now and things have been going okay. However I can't stop thinking about the last man I dated. We didn't even date for long but during that short time it was really really amazing.I felt like he had a lot of qualities that I really look for in a long term relationship, loving, caring, a gentlemen, very genuinely giving, ambitious, and not to mention physical attraction. He was crazy about me and I was crazy about him.It was the only time I was dating someone where my sister said I came home "glowing" all the time. We broke up because of family disapproval...it was a painful ending for both of us.I know everyone is different but I can't stop comparing my boyfriend to him. I think the major difference is the giving part. I feel my boyfriend is somewhat stingy and will only give if he receives. That meanswhen providing for me (paying for dinner) or even affection. He took a long long time to open up. I felt the last man I was with accepted all of my flaw and called them "my charm" whereas this man is a littlebit more critical. Me and the ex broke up 9 months ago and I still can't stop thinking about him. It's so strange how someone I knew for so little made such a great impact on me.I do care about my boyfriend now but how we started out was totally different. I have to admit when I first dated him I didn't find him that attractive. I saw him more and more and then he kinda grew on me.He has qualities that I've never dated in a boyfriend like he's an extravert and has a fun personality. Most guys I've dated in the past are a lot more reserved. It wasn't until months after did he know he wascertain about me. Very slow gradual pace compared to before... Sometimes I feel he's not even crazy about me.I don't even know where I'm getting at anymore...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): Why don't you just remain single; and continue dating until you find what you want.
Don't settle. Quit with the make-believe relationships.
Commitment shouldn't be made, unless you're both mutually satisfied.
"Settling" is just using a guy to fill-in as a temp-boyfriend, so you don't have to be alone. You pretend you like him. All you're doing is keeping someone on the hook to call you, and take you out on weekends. Using a man to hang around with; just so you won't look man-less and pitiful to other women. You don't even like the guy you're with; but you keep him around "just in case."
Seriously!?
You're just going to dump the guy: when you get tired of pretending you like him. That can be dangerous and may backfire. You'll look back in another few months when he's found someone else; then it will be remorse for not appreciating what you had.
If you're thinking of someone else, dump him. Find a guy who will actually occupy your thoughts; and actually fill your days and nights.
Why call them your boyfriend? Just date them until you tire of them, and end it.
Simply enjoy the company of the person you're with until it "evolves" into something more meaningful.
Avoid defining or labeling it as a "relationship;" until it actually becomes something. Consider these guys in a probationary period until you know for sure if you like each other.
You just like calling guys your boyfriend, when you don't really feel anything about them; or they don't really care for you.
If it's just great sex, or he's a great traveling companion; enjoy it until it fizzles, and you both mutually decide to just move on. Breaking up every 5-9 months seems a bit unstable. Stop calling these male-chaperones your boyfriends.
A
male
reader, GentleGiant +, writes (21 September 2013):
It is sad indeed when you have to start comparing present relationships to past ones. I have been there myself. Very painful indeed. My heart was torn into many different pieces. I finally ended my new relationship because i knew i could never live with myself to get romantically involved with another woman who really cared about me but i didnt feel that way about her. I didnt get intimate and held back and finally broke it off and i felt real horrible. She knew i was fighting some demons inside me. She faired well i had to seek counselling. You may have to also. Please dont string this present man along. Try to make a clean break and get some help or at least talk to somebody to work through these mixed emotional feelings. I know where you have been i was there also. Nothing more horrible than having flash backs to somebody you had a connection with and the present person with you means really very little if anything at all. And the worse thing i experienced after i got straightened out was the woman i had been with after my relationship ended would of been the best medicine for me.I lost that one too because i was too busy living in the past and chasing a dream or vision of somebody that i now realize could ever have anything to do with me. I guess if you want to some it up sometimes wanting is by far better than actually having. I learned two lessons and now working and moving forward. Good luck i wish you the best. I hope my advice helps you cope with your demons. xo
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 Since the relationship ended against the wishes of both of you, and before you had a chance to see where it could go, you're going to be comparing ALL guys to your last boyfriend - You didn't really have any closer.
Why didn't the family approve of the two of you dating? You're certainly old enough to make your own decisions in that area, and I'm guessing he is too.
Now that you've had a taste of what you want in a relationship, you really shouldn't settle for less.
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