A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My parents got divorced 6 years ago when I was in fifth grade and it was hard for me to go through but I made it through, things we're good for the first two years, well as good as they could be. But about two and a half years after the divorce my dad started seeing this woman, and it wouldn't have been so weird if she wasn't my moms ex best friend. After my dad moved in with her things got horrible. My dad and his then girl friend would always have these "discussions" with me my brother and my sister and they were completely inappropriate. The would tell us that our mom used drugs and was an alcoholic when we knew that wasn't true. We told our mom about this and they stopped for a little bit after they got married, about two years ago it was worse then ever. So my sister and I told our mom we didn't want to go over to his house and deal with that so we didn't see our dad for about a year. My dad got sick of it and so now were supposed to see him every other Saturday, without my step mother, and we have to go to therapy to try and "work" out our problems. But a few weeks ago he told us either we deal with our problems that we have with our step mom and start seeing her, or he won't see is at all. And I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to give up my relationship with my father, but I also don't want to have to be out down and told awful things whenever I see him. I just don't know what's best for me.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Oh dear,
I am very, very sorry for your predicament. It's a shame that children always are the unwilling pawns in divorces.
Your father, by presenting this ultimatum is trying to come with grips that he is losing you, and with good reason. It is his own fault that he trashes your mother in front of you. And the other posters are right...this is actually a form of child abuse. He wants to force you to be civil to your stepmom when there is absolutely no reason for you to do so.
I can only say that you are a very brave young lady, and that its just a damn shame that you are put into this position. I also agree with the others that you should not be forced to see him. If you are forced, he is making this worse on everyone involved. He has to face the consequences of his actions. And if that means you not seeing him for a few years, then thats the way it has to be.
Please know that we all here wish you the very best and please keep us posted if there is anything any of us here can do
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Your father is acting like a child -- you sound like the grown-up in this situation. It's just inexcusable to put kids in the middle of a divorce, which is what your father and step-mother did by trashing your mother to you. It's loathsome behaviour, and I commend you for not tolerating it. I simply cannot understand how your father could be so insensitive to you.
It seems like your choices are pretty clear --- tolerate the step-mother or don't see your father at all. Your father is being an ass for forcing that choice on you, but there's nothing you can do about that.
Have you told your father and his wife that you do not appreciate them discussing your mother? Perhaps if you make it abundantly clear that that's simply not a topic of conversation you will tolerate they'll start behaving like adults. Underline your stand by leaving the room when they do it.
If they can't even do that, then I would be inclined to stop seeing him until you turn 18. Once you're an adult you'll be in a better position to set the terms under which you're willing to have contact.
I wish you the very best.
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