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female
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anonymous
writes: Can you marry someone you can easily get along but you are not in love with?Someone you madly fall into love with usually is too intense and can not last long or easily cause problems, I am tired of this. Now thinking: shall I pick up a guy I can easily get along with because he loves me more, or I should not give up to seek for a mutual love? How many percentage of people here can meet their mutual love finally? I just feel too tired to look for that, it is just always not equal/fair. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): Please, don't do that! That will never work. I'm a woman who married a man who loves me very much but I don't. I married him because he was so wonderful to me,I was touched by his love and I believed in the tale that love grows with time. And guess what? Afer 5 years I realized that it's not possible to learn how to love someone based on their qualities, my husband is a great guy, he does absolutely everything for me but I don't love him. Now I'm here miserable without knowing what to do. Please, don't do that...you will be dommed to a divorce.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): People do marry for different reasons, some for companionship. I think though in your case, your past experiences of being in love have resulted in failure, and so you don't wish to be hurt again.
Your last loves ended badly, but those experiences will help you know who is, and who isn't, right for you. Don't let the past hold you back - learn from your past mistakes and you will find a man whom you can love, like AND marry :)
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 Is this question for real? Why on earth would you want to make a lifelong comitment to someone you are not actually in love with? Liking someone, my dear will not be sufficient for a marriage to work. Marriage works on love, trust and friendship as well as other factors, think carefully who you are going to marry. I am a bit concerned about your latter comment:I just feel too tired to look for that, it is just always not equal/fair.............
How can you be too tired to look for love?
My dear, wait and the right person will turn up. xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): hmmmm well I don't think so you really need to have both as the expression goes love and marriage goes to gether like a horse and carriage you can't have one without the other and marrying someone under false pretences by not loving themis a receipe for disaster and could end your marriage within six months.or less.
If I were you I would think carefully about goiung thorugh withn this wedding and being honest with your man about how you really feel because you need to always have 100% in a marriage 50% won't do sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Dear Anonymous Writer,
Boy, do I know where you are coming from! In fact, there was a time when I only dated men who liked me and were very kind to me. That was okay for a while, and it works out for some people. I eventually got to a point where I wanted something more - a give and take situation. I wanted someone who liked me AND I liked them. I sincerely believe that, over time, you can grow to love someone if you are compatible from the start. Once I made it up in mind, I was content being single as long as necessary until I met him.
So I say there is nothing wrong with dating the nice guys that you get along with...ie...are compatible with. In fact, the basis of a good relationship is getting along. Mad, passionate love works for some...the rest of us are more realistic. At the same time, it is only fair that you invest emotionally as well. If he is nice guy, and you get along with him, the emotional investment is worth it. And you never know...you may grow to love each other very much. I hope this garble makes sense!
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