A
female
age
51-59,
*awn10
writes:I have just found out that my fiancee cheated on me. We have been together for two years and a few months back he had heard some rumours that I was cheating on him and when I told him it was not true he did not believe me. A few nights later I saw him leave the bar with another woman, my friend and I followed him and saw them go to his place, he denied anything happened when I asked him about it. A few days later I told him that I was relieved that he hadn't slept with her as I had heard that she had an STD and that he would have contracted the STD and passed it on to me if he had slept with her. It was not true about the STD but I knew I would have a better chance of getting the truth out of him if I scared him a bit. He admitted to sleeping with her. I had also heard about him hanging out with another woman the night before but he denied doing anything with her.We broke things off for a while but eventually I went back to him. A couple of weeks ago I heard that he had been hanging out with the woman that he "had not slept with". I had been told by friends that they had seen him with her 8 to 9 times in the last two months. I asked him about it and he said that he saw her once in a bar and sat at her table when he went outside to have a smoke. He then admitted to me that he had slept with her a few months ago. Apparently he had slept with her on the Friday night and then the other woman on the Saturday night. He begged me to forgive him and said that he was relieved to finally tell me the truth and that it would never happen again. I have also heard rumours and have been told that he has hit on some of my friends. I am leary of believing rumours as the rumours that were going around about me cheating on him were not true, so how can I honestly know if they are true or not. We spent a nice weekend together and he says that he has never been more in love with me. Every day at work this week his has sent me a single rose.Here is the question/problem. I am trying really hard to forgive him but when he kisses me or touches me I have a hard time getting the images of him doing the samething to the other women out of my head. When I am with him I can almost ignore these feelings but when I am away from him it is not as easy. Will I ever be able to trust him again? Will he cheat on me again? He said that he ony did before beceause he heard that I had cheated on him. Which is basically just an excuse as far as I am concerned. If he truly loved me ... Will the images eventually leave my mind when he touches me? Can we save this relationship?
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at work, cheated on me, fiance, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dawn10 +, writes (27 May 2010):
Dawn10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Gridrebel for taking time to answer my question.
We are engaged, but I seem to be having a hard time setting down the date. I did seriously consider the STD issue. I was checked and so was he. I had him provide me with a copy of his results to make sure he wasn't lying and I now use protection with him.
He hasn't won me back yet, I am still having reservations and I am not sure if I will ever be able to trust him again. The way I see it if he has already lied to me (obviously more than once) then I take everything he says now with a grain of salt.
It is just a hard decision to make.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Your welcome Dawn 10 and Im glad I was able to help. Good Luck in the decisions you make.
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A
female
reader, Dawn10 +, writes (27 May 2010):
Dawn10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Raiders for your answer. He had moved out two months ago and I haven't spent a lot of time with him since then to try and show him that he cannot keep breaking up with me every other week. When we were talking about trying to work things out is when he told me about the cheating. He asked me to spend some time with him this past weekend to see if we could work things out. I am still trying to figure out if it is going to work and he seems to think that everything will be okay now that he has told me the truth.
I completely agree with you that if I make it too easy for him that he will cheat again.
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (26 May 2010):
 He has not shown in the two years of being with you that he is committed to the relationship. If you aren't even married yet and are having these kind of issues with him, it might be better to lick your wounds and move on before starting a family. No one knows if their partner will cheat on them, it is a risk we all take. Now you know he will because he has. Regardless of his excuse, he did cheat and more than once. Imho, he is not to be trusted. And if a few roses and a verbal utterance of his devout love for you in spite of his actions is all it takes to keep you, then I feel for you. Also, maybe you should seriously consider the STD issues because you don't REALLY know what you have been exposed to, now do you?
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (26 May 2010):
He has cheated and lied to you, and I don't know if the relationship can be saved. That depends on you, are you willing to forgive and start over. I don't believe in rumors but sometimes rumors come out with some truth in it.
I don't believe in the once a cheater always a cheater but I believe that if it did not cost him much to get you back and you returned with the snap of the fingers than the chances of him cheating again are higher, than for someone that cost him months of suffering and begging and actually feeling that he have lost your for good, I think they would rethink twice before they cheated again.
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