A
female
age
41-50,
*izzybug
writes:Hello to everyone.have a few issues and need some advise.input from everyone will be great, but I definitely need some male input in my crazy life.here it goes ive been with this guy for about 7 months sorta and before we began this crazy thing i call a relationship i told him of our age difference 7years im older he told me he didn't care then.couple weeks ago he called me and we were talking (hes not a face to face person irritates the hell out of me but i can live with that)he told me that i was everything he has been looking for in a woman but hated emotions (why look then)and wanted to go back to Iraq to avoid the emotions.i let it go at that because he lost signal and never phoned me back.so i went over a week with this on my mind eating at me.he texted me this past Friday and i of course was short with him.He then kept asking me what was wrong. so i said to him that i was everything he was looking for but didn't want emotions to explain. his answer was "i wish u were younger" i brought up the age thing again to him about when we first met and he said he didn't realize he would like me so much.(guessing i was supposed to be a fling)well no one in his town not even friends, with the exception of one knows i even exist.thats how secret i am.come to find out hes scared to tell his parents about me,says he has a hard time talking to them.i told him to tell them if they want him to be happy they should be ok with it.we continued on and he throws this out what if we get married,what will my parents think,what if we have kids? :....thats the jist of my screwed up life so far l can someone plz translate this crap for me im so confused cant even take it anymore
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female
reader, lizzybug +, writes (24 February 2009):
lizzybug is verified as being by the original poster of the question sorry i guess i should have said he is an american.he was on duty iver there im also from u.s. messed up on my page when i signed up oops lol.thanks alot for your response i really appreciate it
A
female
reader, T76  +, writes (24 February 2009):
Hi Its sounds to me as if he doesnt know what is going on himself. I dont know if he comes from a big family but the fact he is from Iraq makes wonder if they are very religious. He has obviously thought about marriage and kids with you, but I think he is in fear of how his family will react. Some religious people are a bit over the top when it comes to keeping within their own circle. I am guessing that you are not in the same circle. Perhaps the way he has been brought up has stunted his emotional growth and he does not know how to cope with meeting someone that he would like so much. I can imagine how hurt and frustrated you are about him not telling anyone about you. I think he is possibly genuine about them all being upset. The unfortunate thing is you cannot make the decision for him so you need to let him work out just how much you mean to him. If you can be nice about it that may help a lot. He will see you as reasonable. At the same time by giving him the space to determine what he wants out of life, he may choose you and stuff what his family thinks. If he chooses otherwise then he wasnt worthy of you anyway. Not that that is a nice thought but best you know within the first year before you get even more hooked on him. Best of luck my luvvy. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): No I don't think any one can translate this for you. But he is telling you something and you aren't listening.
He has a problem getting emotionally involved, which makes him an emotionally unavailable man. He isn't looking to get serious with you......he has told you he did not expect to like you so much.....I think this is his way of letting you down easy.
This guy is not ready for a "relationship" and you are calling what you have a relationship because why? He hasn't offered you one. Men see things differently than we do and they don't admit it to you. To him you are dating, just dating, which means he can jump off that train anytime he wants to .
What you need to do is to start dating other men and not invest your heart in a man who hasn't stepped up and claimed you, by telling you that you are the ONE he wants to be with for the rest of his life.....don't fall into the girlfriend trap, where you offere him exclusivity without a promise of marriage, unless you are only interested in dating him allowing him to keep his options open but yours are closed off....that doesn't seem fair to you.
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