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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I have a very tragic life. My whole family i destroyed. My children, are all troubled, and I have other serious problems as well. Some chronic bad luck. The family picture is terrible... There is drug addiction, Death from drugs, crime and shame. Me and my husband can't understand any of that. Not even therapist can. We never did drugs or abused them. Can one child destroy a whole family/? I never wanted to blame my son, but he was the first son completely out of control since age 5. Several mental health evaluation and involvement didn't change him. He quit school became drug addict criminal. His brother followed him .. . They never found mental illness,they called it defiant behavior . The end result is unimaginable. Some people believes ,its all coming from him. Is this possible? PLEASE HELP
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female
reader, wornoutmommy  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 John Wayne Gacy Jr. and Jeffery Dahmer both had normal childhoods, yet they turned out to be serial killers. Recent developments in neuropsychology have discovered an area of the brain that is more prone to 'deviant' behaviors, and this area of the brain is more well developed in studied serial killers than non-serial killers. Now, I'm not saying that drug abuse is the same as being a mass murderer- but both are very much deemed socially inappropriate. What I am saying is that this is something that psychologists cannot pick up on unless they use the current brain scan technology and reference it to the latest studies- not something you had available to you when you needed it. This is not something that can be changed or helped with medication or therapy- it is the way their brain is wired.
I know it is hard to look back with 20/20 and pick out everything that you may have been done better to prevent their current position in life- but just remember that you are only given as much as you can handle in life and everything you've been given in life is all for a lesson, something to learn that will make you a better person. Maybe you are more apt to volunteer in drug prevention or support groups- talk to other mothers that have lost their children to drugs. Try to raise awareness that it isn't just abused or neglected kids, but all kids that risk being an addict. With what you've learned, how can you help others now? Try to use your situation to make something better :) And forgive yourself, because every mommy does the best she can with what she has!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): I too believe that you can be blessed with a good child or cursed with a bad one. People prefare to blame the parents for reasons of their own entertainment only. The worst thing you can ever do is raise them in fear of what others say or let others tell you what to do,they all react different to different things, and sometimes no matter what, nothing works and it's not your fault. One child can cause endless unhappiness within a family and even divorce, whether spoiled, deprived or balanced.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 January 2011):
A psychological study recently did prove that very occasionally, a child can be the problem. They've done numerous experiments, spoken to families like yourselves and have found that even with exceptional parents, a child can be bad all on it's own.
You've done all you can. You didn't do drugs, you never abused them, you have had therapists see them, and I've no doubt you've been an outstanding mother.
I think your son is one of those rare cases. I don't know whether that's what you want to hear or not, but for what it's worth, I don't think this is your fault. I'm also very sorry that it's turned out this way for you. Hopefully one day your sons will find some sort of peace, as will you.
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