A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old and when I was 9, I was sexually abused. It took me 13 and a half years to mention it to a very good friend of mine. He is in his late fifties and married with 2 kids in their twenties. We've been meeting up in secret and we've been doing sexual things with each other. We had full sex about 3 weeks ago. He wanted to show me what it was really like. He wanted me to have it out of love and not out of hate. If it wasn't for him, I think that I would be a total wreck. I know that He loves me as a friend and I know that He can't commit. I'm confused about how I'm feeling. Can this friendship survive? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Crierwy  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Sex and the feelings surrounding sex are difficult for all of us at times. You have it particularly tough because of your early exposure to the abusive, ugly side of sex. If you feel in any way healed by the relationship you had with this man that is a positive you don't want to erase, but you should end the physical part of your relationship immediately. Superficially, this man could easily be judged as someone that is taking advantage of you. Unless he's some sort of special new age sex therapist that I've never heard of, he more than crossed the line by getting physical. It doesn't matter if you let him or wanted it. You are vulnerable and he knew that about you. Friends don't use friends for sexual favors and that's what he did - even if he feels better by making the excuse of helping you.
You need real help working through your issues. Having an old man teach you about sex and lying to yourself about what's happening isn't going to help you and will only aggravate your trust issues in the end. Don't do this to yourself. You don't deserve this abuse.
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