A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok, I'm asking this because I broke up with my boyfriend some time ago. He had given so many red flags that I thought it was time to let go finally. When we were going out, he called and texted me regularly, came over quite often, and bought me presents and stuff, would give me advice on different issues I had. For example I was worried that losing my virginity before marriage would make me look like a slut. He basically told me not to worry and that we didnt have to do it if I didnt want to.And he was so sweet about everything. I soon found out that there was a different side to him. Some months into the relationship, I discovered that he liked someone else (who happened to be one of my friends) and that he had asked her out while he was still going out with me. However, he lied and said that SHE had asked him out and that he still had feelings for her. I later found out that this was untrue. One thing I didn't like, though, was that he said "What if I didnt tell you anything that was going on?" In other word, I was supposed to be grateful for his lies. After this, I had sex with him. I dont even want to go into that. He asked me if he could stay in my room while I was on holidays, and after some refusal on my part, I eventually agreed. So i went off to see my mom for the summer, and he stayed in my room. There was some trouble with my housemates over the summer because he and his friends had frustrated them to the point where they changed the locks and he was locked out.When I came back , I asked him for my keys and he said he couldnt find them. I wasnt having any of that because I didnt want any more trouble with the estate agency. And then he accused me of "harassing" him for my keys and called me a fool and basically insulted me because I wanted my keys back. I had broken up with him before this, though, because I found out that I didnt trust him anymore. I also recently found out that that he had been telling his friends that I'd slept with him BEFORE I actually did. So when he was telling me that he could wait for me, he had been boasting to his friends that he had already slept with me. So what I'm asking is, he acts like he loves me, because he called and texted me everyday before my resit exams, and he called and left a voicemail for me when my results came out asking how they were and everything. So I'm really confused, because he obviously doesnt respect me or my feelings but he seems to care about me to some extent.
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female
reader, Al needs advice +, writes (4 October 2009):
I can tell that this person means alot to you. He is keeping is options open by staying in touch with you and his reward for doing so was you giving him your virginity. He will keep in touch with you as he will want to come back to be with you as and when he wants. I am sure that he does like you but he is not to be trusted his actions have confirmed that. As for the keys, get your locks changed and do not lower yourself by confronting him again. If one of your friends was telling you this would you think that person loved them or was just keeping their options open? He is doing just that, he is a player and will keep you dangling as long as you are prepared to dangle and dance to his tune. As for telling his friends thats par for the course some men seem to do that and I am sorry that he is not grown up enough to show you respect. Show yourself some and put him out of your life, find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. I know from experience it is really hard to cut someone off and they will then show interest which is false. Your worth more honey. Good luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2009):
If you want to have a good relationship with someone, you need their love, their trust and their respect. This guy dones't respect you at all, and I think that he's using to to be honest. Don't bother with him. Find a better guy who will respect how you feel and who you are. This guy will only hurt you.
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