A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ive posted bf and it always helps, so thank you.I dated this girl LD for 6 monoths and she broke it off bc of the distance, didnt want to move, didnt want me to move there etc she had made several promises to me that she broke. I was hurt but decided to stay friends. she is currently in a relationship, I just got out of one. She has stated she is still in love with me and wants to see me. I told her I would and our contact with each other has increased. well, we were scheduling to meet up for a weekend next month, and I asked her if we were still on for the weekend so we can make arrangements etc (this was her idea) and she got really defensive saying that I shouldnt question her and that she should trust me and that is one of the hardest things when we were dating? now keep in mind this girl has lied about things in the past and I never kept her from doing anything with anyone. Considering the broken promises bf, of course Im leary of any "commitment" on her part bc she seems to be scared of it (esp where Im concerned) she states that she has changed and her feelings for me are real and that she is not going to give me false hope again and if she states something its the truth and I should trust in it. And I agree. Unfortunately, I feel her not interacting the same now and Im pretty confident she is going to back out of the trip. (same way when we broke up) She will tell me what I want to hear to keep me happy until it comes time to act and then she doesnt follow thru. She seems to be like this with a lot of people. She tells her friends what they want to hear and has a hard time saying no to them. I guess since Im long distance, its easier for her to cancel plans with me. She is scared that we are moving fast again, espressing feelings etc. and it scares her. meanwhile she still has her "bf" there. She says until she sees me, she wants to continue living her life there, with her bf, etc Im not sure what to think of all of it. I just want to see her again and let us validate our feelings or lack there of...Im not big on ultimatums, but if she cancels this trip, whats the point? Its not fair for her to express all these things to me then not follow thru..and she claims Im her best friend and that she could not stand it if I was out of her life. I dont want us to jump back into a relationship but just follow thru with this one thing! I really do like her in my life, I do love her, but she seems to dictate our friendship, when we talk, etc..input please, what should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Im the original post. My fears are, all of you are correct. My suspicions seem to be spot on as well. Our "planned meeting" now has a potential "family crisis" that same weekend, that may cancel the trip. Although she wont commit either way yet. I made the trip virtually back-out proof and she still found an excuse. Her next move will be "well, we can see each other once the Summer dies down."
I even commented on how she is such a commitment phobe and she confirmed. Im to the point finally that whats the point? Being the nice guy is getting me a lot of lip service with no actions. And when I confront her about her actions (or lack of) disrespect, etc she twists it around to make me out to be the bad guy. ie "Im sorry my family comes first" Its a no win situation. Unfortunately we run in the same circles in the same industry so I need to bow out gracefully and not burn bridges... my hopeless romantism has me feeling rather dumb right now. Thank you again for giving me some backbone.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 I think smiles has hit the nail on the head really. Find a girl who dererves you x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Smiles is right, this girl dosen't sound nice. She's messing you around, and she has a boyfriend in the back. She will hurt you again, break it off and MOVE ON.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): You are a sucker for punishment; This girl is messing you around BECAUSE you allow her to;
What are you? A man or a mouse? DON'T allow her to treat you like this; where is you self respect;
OKAY, have I got your attention; and yes, probably you are starting to get fuming with me; Well that is great, because then I want you to phone her; and let her have it; NOT ME;
Come on; don't waste your life and time like this; to se her again; to achieve what: more hurt, more lies; PLEASE stop fooling yourself, there is NO FUTURE for you with this girl; yo will never trust her; and she cannot be trusted; look at what she is upto with her poor boyfriend; she is bad news;
MOVE ON; find somebody that will LOVE and RESPECT you; somebody that you can trust;
Start enjoying life with a girl that will value you and be HAPPY;Sorry if I sound harsh, but Honestly, MOVE ON;
Good luck; please give me a SMILE.
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