A
female
age
30-35,
*apalm_Angelripper
writes:I imagine the question is relative to every guy, so I would like your own personal opinion, plus your opinion on what this guy's true intentions are. Of course, I know they can't be accurate as you don't know him personally and truthfully, but any analysis based on the bit of background I'll provide will be helpful :). I'm asking this because I, myself, have a lot of guy friends ... I admit, some have had feelings for me in the past, but a lot of them don't. I love drinking, partying, and even sometimes acting as a wing girl to help a brother out. I don't know if this is just a 'metalhead' mentality, as there aren't too many chicks who listen to metal ... so I just tend to bond with guys more often, and also happen to get along with them more, as I tend to act pretty tomboyish (albeit being told I'm very attractive).Mostly my past bfs have said that these guys are only with me to have sex with me, and nothing more. However, I met this guy recently, who I'm interested in, and he seems to have no problem with the fact that I have guy friends.The problem is, is that he has quite a few friends that are girls (he is a metalhead, but these girls are not, so I don't understand where the bond is)... yeah, yeah, I know, hypocritical. But it's weird, 'cause I've never been with a guy who's had so many chick friends. We're very honest with each other, and he openly admitted that he would like to sleep with them (as he is attracted to some of them), but definitely appreciates their platonic relationship for what it is, and would not do so now considering we are going out. But he hangs out with them individually, I believe ... and I dunno ... there's just something off ... perhaps I'm just not used to it.Now, I'm kinda worried, 'cause this guy is flirty. I've only ever been out with him and his buddies a couple of times, but he's very touchy feely. However, he says he's like that with both guys and girls (which, I've seen mostly with girls so far, but I admit, he's been that way with his guy friends too). I mean, I wanna go out with him a few more times to understand more of how he acts, with regards to chicks and dudes respectively ... but I mean, this still seems a bit weird.PS: I finally decided to make it official with him this past week. I haven't gone out with him or his friends since, and I don't know how this 'status' will change things, if at all (in terms of him being touchy feely, not having relationships with other girls. I don't wanna be a total controlling b*tch, but I don't want to get involved with someone who'll screw me over either)Also, in his defense, he hasn't been in a relationship for three years, and has openly admitted that he's kind of forgotten how to be a boyfriend, and that I should tell him when he's being a jerk in case he's not realizing it, so he can change his ways.
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female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper +, writes (30 June 2011):
Napalm_Angelripper is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answers! They have definitely helped :)
And I will talk with him about it to set things more clearly.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011):
Good question.
Before we met, my wife had mostly male friends. Women were jealous of her and competed for men. I had mostly female friends. I don't like opening up to other men.
I think that men and women can be "just friends." I have a female coworker that I feel nothing for sexually at all. I have given her rides home from work. I have gone to lunch with her. She could tear off all her clothes for me and profess her undying love, but I wouldn't be interested enough to even look.
HOWEVER, I will say that with the majority of my female friends there was some kind of chemistry. More than one tried to kiss me at various times. Nothing ever happened, but there was this tangible sexual tension. My wife would say that all of her friendships were platonic, too, but I happen to know for a fact that (before we met) she got drunk and slept with a friend of hers once. He immediately professed his love for her. He is an ex-friend now.
In general, I would say that while men and women CAN be close friends it's overall a bad idea. If I see a woman is getting a little too close to me I avoid her. Maybe that makes me seem aloof, but I value my marriage and I don't need any drama.
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A
male
reader, mbill48  +, writes (30 June 2011):
Hi girl
I will tell you this.
I'm a guy. I have in the past and will have many female friends. They are good to have. One of them was even married and still is. We new each other growing up. Every body thought we had something going we didn't nor did we want something.
Her husband was somehow ok with it. Me I wouldn't have been but I think he knew nothing was there but friend ship. We even spent weekends together.
What happened?? Well I miss my friend. Did she leave not by her choice. I meet someone that I wanted to be with and today I miss them both.
Walk soft on the ground you are on.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Hello Napalm_Angelripper, I think it is wonderful he is so honest with you and is willing to change if he makes you unhappy. He obviously cares a lot about you.Communication, trust, and being fair goes a long way in a relationship. If his actions make you unhappy then you should gently let him know how you feel. However you need to let him have his space and socialize with his friends. I think you should talk with him and agree on what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable when dealing with the opposite sex. That way there is no confusion and you can both breathe easy. Good Luck!
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